Ok, forgive the formatting. This was originally a greentext post for all the /b/tards at 4chan. It's also a long read but if you can get past that then it is actually a quite interesting story that happened to me years ago.
be 22 active duty air force assigned to Nellis in Las Vegas not disclosing job, but no stranger to weapons and tactics get pulled in to supervisor's office one day told I've just been "voluntold" to participate in a training exercise with DOD no other information given other than reporting instructions pretty much any question I asked was answered with "I have no fucking idea " report to conference room at base hotel next morning per instruction see about 12 other guys from my unit also voluntold to be there five guys enter room in civilian clothes introduce themselves as the "WHITEBOX" Group Assume it's an acronym for something, but never explained told we will be upgrading our security clearances hours of paperwork, only told we are participating in a force on force exercise released back to our unit crack jokes about how the exercise is a lie and we will be experimented on return to regular job and time passes eventually assume that it was canceled and forget the whole thing
about 2 months later supervisor pulls me aside and tells me that I need to report to a briefing the next day says it’s about "some WHITEBOX exercise" has no idea what it is and doesn't seem to care. once again report to base hotel with the other 12 guys WHITEBOX guys show up and pick us up in a van driven off base to some random office building and escorted into the offices of the Department of Energy, WTF? mystery only deepens, what the fuck is happening? what if this actually is some evil experimental shit more hours of paperwork and security/safety briefings by random suits had to fill out and sign a non-disclosure agreement and that threatened arrest if violated required to turn in cell phones and any other electronic devices in our possession our cell phones get locked in a cabinet while the office phone in the room gets unplugged WHITEBOX guys finally return and fire up a power point briefing first slide just titled WHITBOX Exercise 0X slide also labeled in bold red letters "CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET / NOFORN / ORCON this is really starting to feel serious
WHITEBOX Exercise finally explained told that for the next two weeks we will be role playing as OPFOR (opposing forces) we will try to attack and penetrate a DOD facility and carry out a simulated act of sabotage facility is protected by a contracted privately owned security force security group is required by the DOD to carry out this exercise in order to audit their protection every couple of years if we succeed, security company fails the audit and looses the contract the exercise is the conclusion of a two week inspection of the security contractors and their procedures every exercise a random military unit is chosen as OPFOR "reminded that we are silent professionals and that this isn’t something we should be advertising shaving wavers granted and civilian attire only FUCKYEAH.jpg power point scrolls to a page with a google earth screenshot on it instantly recognize the picture it's Area 51 holyfuckingshit.exe are we are being told to break into Area 51? can't be real random unit bro pipes up out of nowhere "Is that fucking Area 51?" we are all fucking stoked later told not to call it Area 51 as that just makes you a total chode Groom Lake, Paradise Ranch, or Homey Airbase are the acceptable names many insiders simply refer to it as “The Base” also reminded of the possible legal action via UCMJ if we go around telling everyone about it One of the WHITEBOX guys is now our designated "insider threat" exercise is designed to simulate that someone inside has been comprised by a foreign government he will provide any information that we ask for that he has knowledge of or access to other WHITEBOX guys handle will handle exercise logistics they will provide any weapons or equipment that we request to carry out mission "within reason" told this is not a COD loadout screen
ground rules established... will only be provided with weapons that we are certified to carry weapons will be armed with blank rounds or completely empty also no vehicles will be utilized by us within the DOD property landmarkers simulating road chases are not authorized our insertion is simulated so we will already be escorted/processed through various checkpoints and dropped off near the base no impractical equipment requests, so no tanks, helos, surveillance drones, or scud missiles, lol any explosives we intend to simulate will be assessed by WHITEBOX so if we want to blow the perimeter fences we will tell them before hand, they will calculate the weight of the bang we would need, it would be simulated by rocks, and then someone would need to hump the weight number 1 rule established and stressed with a very serious tone we will be escorted by WHITEBOX evaluators at all times within the DOD landmarkers at no point are any of us authorized to be alone in the facility actual security is not laxed because of the exercise, nor is this a free pass to roam security personnel can still use real force in the event that we deviate from the established protocols shown various pictures within the airbase that most will never get to see a specific hangar is designated as our target building. we will need to gain access to that hangar and carry out an act of sabotage for our sabotage we will need to ///REDACTED/// obviously we won't be doing it for real so we will actually need complete a random task inside the hangar task will be designed to be as complex and time consuming as the real thing all while being hunted by the security force insider threat briefing continues, various elements of the base security procedures and day to day operations explained however, get the impression that the chosen source is someone with a generic admin position and is not actually involved with security we are also encouraged to do our own research and scour the interwebz for info about the base told to supply the URLs to WHITEBOX if we find anything of interest. sorry if we got your Alex Jones or Art Bell conspiracy blogs taken offline briefing finally concludes, we are reminded of our non-disclosure policy and taken back to Nellis and dismissed for the day
next day we all meet at Creech Air Force Base in Indian Springs, Nevada we will be using this location to build our plan of attack and do rehearsals/dry runs it's actually pretty cool because it's on us to plan our op, just a bunch of random Airmen periodically grill our insider with questions and start asking our other WHITEBOX guys for gear we tried to have our insider take pictures of the interior of our target hangar, but he got caught IRL he would be arrested and interrogated by the feds, and the whole op would be dead instead though the guys that caught him received kudos from the inspectors, and he just tells us nope have to rely on a whiteboard sketch of the inside decide to keep it simple, M4 riffles only however I am certified on the Barret M82 .50 cal. we decide that I will carry that heavy mother fucker as well as an M4 and provide overwatch from the distance kind of bummed out because im not going inside it will be on me to neutralize certain security positions that we have previous identified we remind our WHITEBOX guys that the M82 is an anti-material weapon with the ability to disable vehicles they tell us that I will just need to call my shots to the evaluator that I will be partnered with he will radio to the vehicles that they are destroyed and will need to stop driving guess I should mention that is also part of the disadvantage we have we will all be paired with WHITEBOX evaluators who will sort of act as referees during this simulated battle however they will all be wearing bright orange reflective vest identifying them as exercise officials that really fucks our ability to stay hidden and stealthy, but it is what it is also should mention that this is a daytime raid despite our objections sounds like they are setting us up for failure, but they remind us not to think of it like that this is all being done just so the evaluators can get a good look at the security's incident response procedures it's not an unannounced drill, the military doesn't really like to do that kind of thing especially with large scale exercises such as this everyone on the base know we are coming, there's no element of surprise here except with what kind of attack we prep it would be a real hot clusterfuck if the security contractors failed the audit heads would roll, people would get fired, and numerous officers would be relieved of command I still get to attack Area 51 so don't care as this is the coolest thing I've done in the military
our plan is starting to come together over the days decide to sacrifice one of us in a suicide bomb attack figure out which of us is the most "FNG" or lowest ranking and make him do it he will approach one of the ECPs (entry points to the base) on foot wearing a rucksack loaded with rocks (make-believe explosives) he will be wearing a uniform and will identify himself as Air Force and will franticly yell that he needs help we don't anticipate that he will make it that far or that the security will actually swallow this ruse however his goal is to get as close as he can to the ECP and yell allah ackbar and release his dead man's switch and try to take out what he can his evaluatoescort will drop a GBS (ground burst simulator) when he detonates GBS is a little miniature explosive device that just makes a really loud boom anyone who’s been through any type of military training is familiar with them, they are used to add stress and create excitement we are hoping this will be a distraction and will get as much security as possible to converge on that location the rest of us will assault from the other side of the base and try to breach the perimeter several of us will also be rucking explosive rocks for the breach chose a breach point that will have us crossing only a minimal portion of the flightline (place where aircraft operate) if we successfully simulate breaching the perimeter the exercise will be paused and we will be inprocessed through the ECP and brought into the base exercise will resume and we will continue to assault towards the target hangar I will stay outside in my sniper position and try to smoke what I can inside the hangar the team will cover the doors with simulated claymores and take up cover two guys will carry out the simulated sabotage act while the rest cover the doors WHITEBOX doesn't have any inert claymores to provide so the will be simulated with small weighted ammo cans the weight is really starting to become problematic so we abandon the claymores and decide to just cover the doors with firepower would really help if we had a vehicle, but not happening to be fair, vehicles wouldn't make it that close to the base if they tried to attack IRL armored or not
week one down, plan looking solid considering how much of our attack is simulated two weeks of planning is actually excessive not complaining though cause two weeks of hanging out and smoking and joking compared to normal work at Nellis only downside is the hour drive back and forth each day to Creech AFB casino right outside that base with awesome steak and eggs so not too bad though one of the WHITEBOX guys tells us he's actually employed by the Department of Energy he doesn't actually work at Groom Lake, he works at the Nevada Test Range the massive amount of Nevada landscape that is restricted and owned by the feds is actually impressive contrary to popular myth there is road access to Groom Lake via the adjacent test range, but not too many people actually make that drive. the 737 shuttle from McCarran Airport is how everyone gets there since the drive is long as fuck the main paved road through Rachel Nevada that all the tourist flock to doesn't really have any operational use anymore allegedly we will be driving there through the test range via a convoluted series of paved and dirt roads route is CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET, not kidding
DOE dude gives us a tour of the test range one day load cases of water in back of van drive to Mercury Nevada and stop at checkpoint inprocessed inside, get pictures taken and issued escorted visitor passes also required to wear radiation badges once inside get to see all that shit from The Hills Have Eyes, fake towns that were blown up with atomic bombs not as intact as they are portrayed in films though, they are pretty rekt or deconstructed show us a massive crater called the Sedan Crater in the 50's they experimented with using atomic bombs for mass excavation projects hoping they could just nuke the ground and build shit instead of fucking around with bulldozers pretty stupid and impractical but they didn't know any better back then they buried an atomic bomb a half a mile underground and blew it up Sedan Crater left behind as a result and the fucking thing is huge. they allegedly herded cattle down to the bottom of the crater afterwards to test the post fallout effects pretty fuckin savage, and it was actually stunning to look at two hour drive to Groom Lake though endless desert roads now see why we loaded the water, we’d be pretty fucked if the van broke down or got stuck get first distant look at the base without having to enter their checkpoints holyshit.mp4 very few people get to actually see what we are seeing to be honest though, looks like any other air force base I've ever seen except smaller besides the obvious fact that it is in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and its main runway is long as fuck also realize one of the reasons they didn't want us operating vehicles most roads are dirt and the entire lake bed is surrounded by "moon dust" everywhere moon dust is the ultra-fine sand found in certain parts of the desert with the consistency of flour it's also a total bitch to drive in and the security patrols getting stuck is a somewhat frequent occurrence told that they even have some of the AAFES fast food joints there that you find on any other base imagine working at a Burger King that you need a Top Secret security clearance for, how the fuck does that work??? noticed that despite being authorized to be here, we are still being watched by distant security patrols wonder if they know we are the bad guys that are going to be attacking the joint make some minor adjustments to the plan since the google earth pictures lack some detail conclude tour and take the 3 to 4 hour drive back home, most of us slept in the van
arrive at Creech next day and see that more WHITEBOX guys have been added to the mix, now there's like 20 of them for the past two weeks they have been inspecting the security contractors and its procedures you can tell a lot of them are ex-military based off of language and the people that are dipping and spiting in empty water bottles the mood is light, all of the exercise planning is finished, nothing to do the last two days we managed to borrow an empty hangar at Creech and used it as a mockup of our target hangar to run rehearsals no longer asking our insider questions about security, instead start asking completely ridiculous questions about conspiracies for lulz accuse some of them of being reptilians to see how they react, some of them get legit uncomfortable before you go sounding off, doubt they are hiding anything, some folks just don’t get military humor one does, however, and shows us a velcro patch that he wears on his rucksack it's one of those standard patches you spot on a pilot’s flight suit that has the name, rank, branch, and blood type his blood type seriously says reptilian it's obvious that they embrace and poke fun at the reputation this base has, in fact they thrive off of it
the day finally fucking arrives, time to attack this bitch wake up at 0400 and drive an hour to Creech dressed to kill decide to wear DCU "desert combat uniform" pants and a sand t shirt with my personally owned Blackhawk tactical vest to carry spare M4 mags sometimes the military issues some real shitty gear so our unit is somewhat lax and allows us to personally buy our own better equipment if it has command approved use and doesn't break SOPs also wear my empty gas mask pouch attached to my hip and use it to carry spare M82 .50 cal mags also wear a black turban for lulz that I bought off an ANA (Afghani Northern Alliance) dude downrange used to have a guile suite but it got lost on a deployment so that's a no go unfortunately arm up with an M4 with M68 red dot sight and attach a BFA "blank firing adapter" to the muzzle, and load six mags of .556 blanks also provided with my trusty Barret .50 M82 and five mags there is no BFA for the Barret that I'm familiar with so carry that with empty mags, guess I get to cheat with the weight load up in the vans with WHITEBOX team and drive another hour to Mercury get inprosscessed through security checkpoint and receive visitor badges for the test range drive another 2 hour on random roads passing more checkpoints /// REDACTED /// forced to surrender cell phones, personally owned electronic devices and CAC cards (military ID cards) again receive our escorted visitor passes for Groom Lake and now continue down some of the most forbidden roads in American history start unloading as close to our start point as the terrain allows and hump the rest of the distance on foot with our escorts suicide attack bro hangs back in the van with other escorts and is driven to his start point the terrain is favorable and allows us to set up out of sight hence why we chose the spot I break off and try to set up my nest at my chosen OP "observation point" as discreetly as possible not really stealthy cause I'm being followed by a guy wearing an orange reflective vest that says STAN EVAL and he's just casually walking he tells me to set up the Barret, but just simulate your shots by firing the M4 blanks now in a spot where I can observe base activity and provide cover fire for the breach, but I am also the most easy to spot sniper ever now wait for confirmation that our distraction on the other side has happened, taking a real long fucking time
my escort's radio chimes to life and starts talking "attention all WHITEBOX, we now have proper authentication via CASTLE ROCK for initiation of a detachment level exercise" voice on radio proceeds to spit out a long winded exercise safety briefing realize it's been about 40 minutes and we are just now fucking starting another 10 minutes and finally get word that suicide bro is approaching his target escorts all inform us that the security force is responding to reports of an explosion outside of the ECP later find out that suicide bro was stopped and challenged at gun point about 50 meters outside of ECP by a mounted patrol he then just fuck it and started sprinting towards the ECP until they opened fire with blanks and his escort set off the GBS he actually managed to take out the vehicle that stopped him and create several casualties (we gave him the heaviest explosive rocks loadout) overall our distraction was pretty fucking successful give it a another minute or two and finally start shooting and calling my shots to my escort/evaluator he's talking on his radio and relaying my simulated violence, "inform Merc-17 that they are dead from sniper fire" etc... I have predetermined targets to engage based off of what poses the biggest threat to the breach team I actually do some damage and get confirmation of casualties from my escort it's about a 600 meter run to the base perimeter in the open desert so it's on me to try and clear their path as much as I can the plan is to try to lure some security vehicles to our position then eliminate them with the Barret while they are en route the dead vehicles can then serve as points of cover for the breach team as they assault towards the base breach team was also aiming to see if they could snag any security radios from the dead patrols so we can monitor their comms didn't really work out that way however, in the end we simply didn't have all the info about the anticipated security response without giving away too many sensitive details, we all got ambushed by the security from unexpected locations forced to abandon my nest and the Barret to start moving towards another location to back up the breach team that was under fire trade some shots with security until my escort finally announces "ok dude, you're dead. go ahead and lay down" that's it, game over
play dead for about 20 minutes while security cleans up the area breach team gets rekt, we managed to get within 100 meters of the perimeter couple of security dudes approach me and perform a dead combatant body search on me it's a specific type of search designed to search a dead body while also checking for possible explosive booby traps pretend to be dead and let security dudes run my pockets finally one of the evaluators shouts "PauseEx" (pause exercise) we got fucking annihilated, no chance this attack was going to be successful our evaluators tell us that everyone did a great job, HOWEVER.... we are going to continue the exercise because they didn't get the chance to observe much of the internal security components we are going to resume the exercise assuming that we were actually able to get inside that target hangar this will give the evaluators the opportunity to observe the security's recap and recov procedures (re-capture and recovery) we all get magically resurrected from the dead I realize that I am actually going inside Groom Lake! Fucking Awesome...
spend about 15 minutes policing up the area for brass which means wandering around and picking up spent cartridges board vans and get driven around to ECP. realize that only half of the security force is playing in this exercise the rest are still armed with live weapons and are still performing regular protection duties forced to show our visitor passes, names and badge numbers are compared against a master list that the security has /// REDACTED /// /// REDACTED /// notice a homemade sign hanging on the wall at the security center it’s got a picture of an alien with a red X through it that says "no extraterrestrial entities or relics beyond this point" like I said earlier, everyone enjoys the reputation this base has drive to our target hangar, holy fuck! I am now inside Area 51 use of blanks not authorized indoors, everyone is told to clear out weapons rest of the exercise will use simulated firing, the equivalent of pointing your empty weapon at someone and yelling bang sadly not the first time I trained like this, military does it all the time it’s ridiculous and awkward every time, looks like a bunch of kids playing backyard soldiers with sticks security has already reset its posture, they know we are attacking but doesn't know the building we are hitting we all enter the hangar, get the impression that it doesn't actually get used IRL anymore reeks of mildew and no power inside, dust everywhere in the center there is a pickup truck covered with a tarp and roped off with red rope and stanchions, signs posted identifying it as a controlled area told that this is a simulated military asset and this is what we are sabotaging WHITEBOX evaluator pulls a box out of the bed of the truck remember when I said we will have to do a complex and time consuming task to simulate our act of sabotage? it’s a fucking Star Wars Lego kit! I shit you not! evaluators tell us we will need start building it and reach page 12 in the instructions without errors or mistakes kind of wish we went with our earlier plan and brought claymores cause I spotted some sweet chokepoints outside the building to set them up also wish we had the idea of bringing padlocks and chains so we could lock down the hangar and make life more difficult for the security force set up our spots to cover the doors, we are well versed with building clearing tactics so we know what spots to cover to make it hard
WHITEBOX evaluator authenticates over the radio with someone by passing letters and numbers back and forth, process known as sign/countersign voice on radio announces that the detachment level WHITEBOX exercise has resumed showtime! Two unit bros start opening the Lego kit and sorting parts me and the suicide bro weren't supposed to be in this hangar or even on the base to begin with so we don't have points to cover inside come up with idea and ask one of the escorts if we can go out the back on to the flightline plan to walk to two separate buildings in opposite directions and see if we can create distractions evaluators approve the plan, but tell us we can't approach or enter other buildings, nor approach any parked aircraft decide to leave firearms and my tac vest behind for clever reasons if we are unarmed the security will most likely apprehend us, and search us this is more time consuming than just shooting us and will keep them away from the hangar longer exit the back of the hangar on to the flightline and just start casually walking down the tarmac with my escort eventually hear the sound of police sirens in the distance getting louder, hear they come! get the urge to start sprinting but decide not to since it would most likely result in me being tackled on the pavement, fuck that later realize distant sirens are actually responding to hangar after reports of a silent alarm being received so much for the distraction plan
decide not to return to hangar since there is not much I can do unarmed, and continue walking down flightline all the parked aircraft I see are just normal military aircraft, although some do seem to have “enhancements” or cosmetic features that I haven’t seen before ask my escort where they keep all the flying saucers, he smirks and just replies "underground" wonder if there are actually any subterranean levels to this base, suppose a lot of these buildings could support that ask my escort if there are really underground levels, he facetiously says “who knows” white pickup truck with police lights approaching fast pretend not to notice and keep walking voice starts barking at me over a loudspeaker "stop right there! do not move! get your hands up! security mercs climbing out of vehicle with rifles drawn, don't see magazines in the riffles, they are part of the drill they actually try to challenge both of us, escort has to remind them that he is out of play security goons bark at me, "face away from me NOW! keep your hands up!" they are actually pretty intimidating, I comply proceed to have me lay on the ground face down with my arms and legs stretched out yell at me to put my hands in the small of my back, palms together, fingers up big black guy approaches me and actually puts his knee on my neck George Floyd style "don't fight me, don't resist me, or you are gonna get hurt" he says puts me in zip ties and picks me up, see other guards still have weapons drawn on me overall whole thing similar to a gangbanger getting rolled up by the cops black guy puts me in some weird and uncomfortable arm hold tells me to start walking while he steers my body with the arm hold and walks me off the flightline taken to a grassy area, get put back on the ground and searched and questioned /// REDACTED /// I try to bluff and say that the hangar will blow if anyone goes inside, see if that stalls them he tries to question me about it, but I can tell he’s not biting, I decide to tone it down and stay quiet cause the dude really looks like he’s going to fuck me up actually overhear his partner talking on the radio, he’s telling others to exercise caution and beware of possible explosive booby traps lights out, realize that someone put a bag over my head evaluator calls out "EndEX" (end exercise) all portions of the exercise are terminated, it's all over
black security guy cuts my zip ties, takes off the hood and sets me loose later find out that security retook the hangar with no problems my guys inside struggled with the Legos since it was so dark and hard to see instead of immediately going in, security tossed inert CS gas canisters inside none of us brought gas mask since it was something our insider failed to mention evaluator let us build legos for another 30 seconds then yelled “GAS, GAS, GAS” unit bros in the hangar were told to lay on the ground and pretend to be incapacitated security swarmed the place with gas mask and guns, kicked away weapons they got a similar treatment to what I received on the flightline and got hauled out of there we all regroup at the base's main visitor center for the AAR (after action review) overall security responded quite well, only some points were critiqued, nothing failing smoke cigarettes and crack jokes back and forth with the security dudes, finally get to see the human side of the guy who snagged me on the flightline tell him he’s one scary mofo, he smiles and we shake hands security dudes leave, head to base theater for full debrief WHITEBOX guys thank us for our participation, time to head home wait a sec, let’s see some fucking aliens WHITEBOX guy smirks and says he’ll give us the dollar tour another day drive back to Mercury knowing full well that we are not going to hear back from them, especially about a tour return radiation badges to the Mercury office told that if we never hear back from them that it’s a good sign told that if they do call us then our Tricare (military health coverage) will get put to good use whole experience was cool as fuck one of the evaluators hands out business cards for ///REDACTED/// and tells us to look them up when we separate from the military starting pay for the security force is pretty fucking dope and only certain military backgrounds are considered for it return to Indian Springs and hit up the casino for drinks with the original 5 WHITEBOX guys ask if any of the prior OPFOR units actually pulled it off and broke in told that a group of CCT guys from the 24th STS was the closest anyone’s ever gotten but even they still failed makes sense, I’ve heard that those dudes are legit operators tell war stories and get drunk actually receive a letter of appreciation from the Air Force Test Center Detachment 3 from Edwards Air Force Base, California about a month later it thanks me for my participation in an exercise but makes no mention of Groom Lake my participation in a vaguely worded “DOD exercise” actually gets mentioned as a bullet in my annual performance report mfw I attacked Area 51
tldr - me and my coworkers "broke" into Area 51 with automatic weapons so we could put together an X-wing starfighter out of Legos
Thanks for reading. I should mention that I have intentionally withheld a lot of details and even altered a few. I'm not trying to blow up anyone’s spot and compromise shit. Just wanted to share a true story about some cool shit I got to do in my youth. For example WHITEBOX is a completely fabricated name while the whole operation actually went under another random weird name. It still ranks as some of the most cloak and dagger shit I got to do in the military. I actually don’t really tell too many people because it is no one’s business and no one would believe me anyways. I finally figured that enough time has passed and like I said, I have specially tailored this story to avoid leaking any sensitive shit. Overall the base was actually kind of underwhelming. I didn’t really see any earth shattering secrets there. All of the alien and reptilian conspiracy theories were openly mocked and made fun of there. It’s really just a base that gets an extra layer of discreetness and physical security for more sensitive assets and projects to be kept there. The CIA, JSOC and other intel gangs from Washington even have offices out there because it’s just a quiet tucked away place to do business. I will say that their security is no joke and that they have some truly fascinating techniques to detect and deny intruders. Hope you enjoyed.

Some words from u/eruwenn and I. Enjoy?
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  Chae’Sol stood at the centre of a large command deck, meticulously peeling the protective film from his new captain’s chair. The sensation of the slow but steady yielding of the film, the sweeping line following the contours of the seat in flowing curves; it was incredibly satisfying. Finally, with one last gentle pull, the last of his chair was uncovered and he stood back to admire his throne. Aside from the freshness of the seating itself, there were shiny new holo displays, touch sensors, and comms relays that were within easy reach of his seated fingertips. This ship would be the jewel in any fleet, a prototype Dreadnought made by the infamous Bardul of Shi’an. The Gowe Military faction had run into financial problems, and it had been left unpaid and unclaimed. What sorcery Kadir had used to find it, and purchase it, he did not know.
His comms unit beeped and Danyd’s voice came through. “Chae’S-” -He grumbled incoherently- “Captain, we’re ready to get underway.”
The Niham turned and sat back on his pristine chair, swinging his long legs over the armrest. “That was quick, Chief Engineer Ef’Yto”
Danyd grunted at the use of his title. “Aye, these Awakened are efficient bastards.” The Satryn looked around at the enormous engineering bay. The entirety of the Porkchop Express could comfortably sit inside, and two of them could likely squeeze in. “Plus, this thing has never been used; feels weird not having anything to work on. It’s state of the art, and I’m having to read the manuals on half the new systems.”
Chae’Sol laughed, looking around at the Awakened as they were preparing their workstations. “Yeah, this command deck is a little intimidating. Even the Niham Armada didn’t have ships like this. There are fifteen weapons stations here, what in Tulseria’s name were the Gowe planning to do with this thing?”
“No idea.” The chief engineer walked to the large seat in front of his new work terminal, and hopped up onto it. The protective covering squeaked. “This thing has more firepower than half their fleet, it must have been something big. We’re lucky Kadir found out about the graveyard of unclaimed ships from one of his contacts.”
The newly-minted captain swung his legs down and sat up, straightening his black uniform and white collar. “That’s another thing: how does he have so many contacts? I was in the Tulseria-damned military, and I had no idea they would sell us fighters and weapons.”
“I know the feeling.” Danyd watched a junior engineer – Lily, an Awakened who wore a headband in her silver hair that sported long Kittran ears on it – begin running diagnostics on the Hoban Field Generator. “I'm aware he got the automated weapons for the system port from my people, somehow. As for how he accomplishes all he does, I think his time working with that fancy Anatidae councillor opened more than a couple of doors for him.”
Chae’Sol stood, running his fingers through his perfect hair. “Doors, windows, rear entrances and damned secret portals, all leading to a dark realm of shady deals and supplies. We have an Imperium Capital Ship for Tulseria’s sake! Nobody knows where he got it, or where he’s now hidden it.” He looked at his holo display, noting the specks springing blinking into existence as the other ships of Federation origin came to life. “Let’s just be glad he’s on our side.”
The chief engineer tugged at the green collar to his uniform. “Our side used to be a damn sight smaller.” Lily had finished her diagnostic tests and sent the results to his console. Her report included an adjustment that would create a potential three percent increase in crystal efficiency, and a small drawing of a smiling leokit with a crim-bar. He groaned, then reported back with, “We’re ready to go when you are.”
The Niham strode confidently across the command deck, stopping to stand in front of the huge vid screen at the front of the room. All around him were his crew, made up mostly from the Ashi, Awakened, and Kasurians. “Let’s get this show started.”
 
 
Jaym sat with a bowl of Tony the leokas cereal in front of her. It wasn't just a catchy advertising slogan - it really was great. She and Elizabeth had worked together so much in the engineering section of the Porkchop Express that they had become close, often spending their free time together. Indeed, Elizabeth currently sat opposite her, carefully rebuilding a power coupling and occasionally tapping at her datapad. Shortly after the results of her most recent tap played out, Elizabeth paused her work on the power coupling. Without speaking, she held up her datapad so that Jaym could see.
On the screen was Tony and his mate Jolie, and Skeena’s voice could be heard excitedly talking about collecting urine samples from the female. Jaym screwed up her face at first until Skeena announced the pregnancy test was positive. Tony was going to be a father! She couldn't contain her joy and screamed loudly, grabbing the screen and running all the way to the bridge to show the others.
Ranjaz was stretched out across the captain’s chair as Jaym burst in, and didn’t open his eyes until she began shaking his leg. Even then he didn’t pay much attention. “I told you not to let Elizabeth play with any more systems till after the mission.”
She blushed slightly, as their last improvement had inverted their water treatment system and blown six power couplings. "It's not that!" she said, holding up the datapad and starting the video. "Look!"
At the first syllable of Skeena's voice, Ranjaz sat bolt upright. The video held his full attention, and when Tony's impending fatherhood was announced the Kittran's whoops of delight could be heard all through the Porkchop Express. He reached underneath his seat and retrieved a small, fluffy bed, then picked up Aiov. Ranjaz led his unusual dance partner in a quick spin of joy before replaying the GalacTube video for her. “You’re going to be an Aunty!”
Eruwenn leaned back in the large seat that had once been Embar’s. “I didn’t think they were related?”
The Kittran nodded. “Aiov is Tony’s sister. Aaron adopted them both, and that’s how human families work. They just keep adding members, like a Dular adding shells to its burrow. Family is family.”
Cygna pressed a few buttons on her Navigator terminal, moving the video to the main screen as well as starting it over. “I still can’t believe you keep one of these under your seat. I mean, it’s a leokas!”
Ranjaz held Aiov up and they briefly rubbed noses. “Just a little one!”
The Anatidae laughed. “I can see living with the human has had quite a profound effect on you.”
With one of his trademark grins he held Aiov out towards Eruwenn. “Wanna nose rub?”
"Ah," the councillor said, shrinking back from the offer, "despite her size she is still a predator, and I am not quite ready for such a close encounter.”
From the pilot seat Ripley stood, taking Aiov from Ranjaz. “She is not a toy.” She briefly snuggled the tiny leokit to her chest, then passed her to Jaym. “Take her for food and exercise; she must grow up strong.”
Jaym also cuddled the wriggling Aiov close, and not just because the little leokit was adorable. Aiov had tripled in size, and was becoming a bit of a handful. “Thor was preparing her food; I’ll take her down to him.”
Once the junior engineer had left, and Ripley returned to the pilot seat, Ranjaz began tapping on the console in front of him. “Looks like we’ll be free to take the shuttle down to the surface with the next group.”
Cygna drummed her fingers on the arms of her chair. “I didn’t realise it would be so busy.”
Ranjaz shrugged. “There was a quake on the fourth planet, so mining colonies are shut down while the nerds poke around. Along with that, we got three big freighters waiting for resupply. That’s a lot of bored folks looking to kill time.” Ripley grunted, prompting a chuckle from the Kittran. “You don’t approve of their choice of leisure activity?”
After their few cycles together Eruwenn was already learning a lot about her shipmates. Ripley, for instance, wasn’t one for talking. She decided to interject before the Captain irritated her too much, as they would need her focus soon enough. “Gambling and pleasure palaces are not to everyone's taste, of course, but these sorts of things are covered under local governance.”
Without skipping a beat Ranjaz replied, “I know that’s the official line, but you sure as shit have tax codes for all of it. If you want to look down on folks, don’t pretend you aren’t profiting from it.”
Cygna, ever defensive of her mentor, jumped in. “That’s a bold statement for someone who never paid a credit in tax until it was automatically deducted from his Galactic Federation pay.”
Ranjaz laughed, then continued, keeping his voice care-free. “Taxed on what? I never owned anything.”
Eruwenn could see the trap her junior was walking into but decided to let this be a learning experience. The Kittran was wily, and the Anatidae found him entertaining. Cygna, as she had predicted, scoffed at his claims. “I’ve read your file. When you were arrested you had a ship, five shuttles and thousands in valuable goods confiscated.”
“Exactly!” His eyes lit up as he cornered her. “It was confiscated because it was stolen, so I didn’t own it. Imagine a world where you can keep stolen goods if you pay tax on them. Even I think that’s crazy.”
The Fae’Dan paused, and the anger evaporated from her voice as she realized what he had said, replaced by a slightly impressed tone of surprise. “Well, maybe, but… Really? You stole all of it?”
Ranjaz shrugged. “Or won it. I’m pretty good at Dalcho.”
Cygna perked up. “I play Dalcho myself, we shou-”
“No,” Eruwenn interrupted. Some lessons were too expensive. “Do not play Dalcho with someone who can get free priority entry permits to a casino.”
The former operative shook her head. “I’m a great player, you’ve seen me in the council chambers. I took that Ley’Rulian trader for five hundred credits.”
The Anatidae smiled kindly. “And he had five shuttles when he was arrested.”
Cygna slowly turned from Eruwenn to Ranjaz, noticing his grin and the sparkle in his eye. It was most definitely the smile of a predator. He gave a little chuckle. “Don’t worry, it’s been a long time since I played. No gambling on Galactic Federation ships, you know.” He laughed again. “Oh wait, you read my file.”
The Fae’Dan nodded. “Perhaps we should focus on the mission.” She gave a slight bow to Eruwenn before returning her attention to her console.
Ranjaz looked at Eruwenn and stuck out his tongue. “Don’t ruin my fun!”
The Ambassador smiled. “I don’t play Dalcho, but there is a human game called chess I quite enjoy. Perhaps we could play sometime?”
The Kittran gave a nod. Keeping his voice neutral, he replied. “I don’t know that one, but there’s another human game we could try. Poker?”
"We have permission to dock at the holding ring and send down a shuttle," Ripley abruptly called out. "Let’s get this whatever it is and make the rendez-vous.”
Both of Ranjaz’s fangs showed as he grinned. “If we’re going to pull a job on Chisola Prime, first you’re going to need to look the part!”
 
 
Aaron walked down the corridor of the Hive ship, the strange spiderlike creature trailing behind him as he followed one of the corpse vines as it receded deeper into the ship. He turned and watched the creature, which shrank back from him and crouched low to the ground. “I’m sorry I kicked you. You simply startled me; you don’t have to hide.”
The lighting never changed in the endless corridors of the ship, and only the most uninteresting of doors deigned open for him. At this point, he had lost track of time completely. Through perseverance he’d made several important discoveries. The bulbous shapes in the flower vase room were seats; he was fairly certain of that after finding another room with bodies sitting in them. The vines that came for them were the ones he was now following, and by now he must have seen hundreds of dead Hive.
The second discovery was that the Hive came in a variety of shapes and sizes. There were two main ones, as far as he could tell, and the first were the four legged kind that had so kindly thrown him in the rejuvenating jelly bean. The second was bipedal, and looked a hell of a lot meaner. While the ones he deemed workers looked somewhat like ants to him, in shades of reds and browns, the second type looked much more commanding. Their carapace had thicker layers of armour in green, gold and red, and was spiked at the shoulders and joints. Even their legs had spines and to top the look off their heads were much more angular. Whether they were soldiers, commanders, or something else, he didn’t know. Through observation of the corpses he had discovered the most confusing feature yet: a strange section in the centre of their abdomen that was filled with what seemed to be a grey fluid.
Ahead of him, not skittering away like the rest, was an aphid that no longer emitted a pale green glow. Something whooshed overhead towards the slow and sluggish aphid, and Aaron instinctively threw himself to the ground before he realized what it was. "That's how you get kicked!” He stood up, brushing himself off. “Fuck, that scares the ever-loving shit out of me every fucking time.”
The huge creature looked up at him and whined as it munched on the sick aphid. He was probably imagining the apology in its eyes, but Aaron still shook his head. “I know, I know. It’s your job. They clean the floors, you keep their population healthy. Just stop leaping over me like that, fuck. I’m going to have a heart attack.” It whined and backed away from his angry words, and he tried to keep his voice to calmer tones. “Don’t be like that. I’ve told you enough times.”
When he looked down the corridor again, the retreating corpse vines had disappeared around a corner. Aaron began to jog after them, and after he'd put some distance in he heard the pattering footsteps of his terrifying shadow. He tried to pay it no mind. Once the vines were back in sight he slowed and followed behind them, singing his direction song quietly to himself. “Left, right, straight. Left, left, right. Straight, straight, left, left. Right, right, straight, right, right.”
The ship was massive and, other than some areas smelling funkier than others, there was no variation in lighting, decoration or layout. The song was his map back to the rejuvenation pod, which was his only safe source of hydration. His companion padded along behind him, a friendly nightmare to accompany him on his seemingly endless journey. “We really need to give you a name.” He wished he had his phone with him so he could channel all his nervous energy into making a video. “The audience demands a name. Plus, I won’t be able to sell merch without one.” He turned and looked at the creature. “I’ll probably have to create space-halloween first, or maybe I’ll get lucky and find that you’re cute to some species.”
Aaron returned to following the corpse vine, waving a hand high as he spoke, gesticulating to the heavens. “The name is what matters: a good name makes all the difference.” He began seriously pondering the naming matter. “Aragog, Shelob; you know, lean into your size for a characterization. But then again, that's not really going to make people like you.” He looked back over his shoulder as the unnamed beast trotted happily behind him. He assumed happy, at least. It now tended to make an odd gurgling noise after eating, and it roamed closer to him than before. “You know, I never got to name Sassie – she’s my dog. I told you about her yesterday, or the day before.” He really was losing track of the days he’d been here. “I got her from a rescue. She was skinny, and so damn angry, with scars on her legs and under her fur. I had to have special visits before I could keep her. Prove I was worthy.”
Talking helped take his mind from the gnawing emptiness in his stomach. Hydration and nutrients osmotically obtained from some weird pod were nowhere near as satisfying as a burger and a cold beer. “Her first visit, she had a rubber ball. It was her only possession, and she loved it.” There was a touch of pride in his voice. “Took me an hour before she gave it up to play. The lady from the rescue centre said I was the first.” He choked up, blinking back tears. “Anyway, couple more visits and she got to stay. Crazy dog was such a handful. She once tried to climb a tree to chase a squirrel. Got her legs over the first branch and just dangled, kicking her back legs.” He began chuckling to himself. “She once tried to jump through a car window; some guy was parked at the lights as we walked past.”
He was just chatting now, lost in his memories as he walked. “You know the type, loud radio, windows rolled down on a sunny day, annoying the shit out of everyone in the town. He tossed some litter out of his window and she just launched herself at him. Scared the life out of me at the time - funny as fuck now, of course.” He laughed again. “Then there were the swans. Man, were they not ready. She loved to swim – I told you that before – swimming and splashing was her favourite release. Well, that and chasing rabbits which is, kinda, how I ended up here. Anyway, she would just swim up and down, right past the ducks and stuff, somehow never interested in them. Then one summer these swans came along...” He paused, realising his new friend didn’t know what a duck or a swan was, or even summer, probably. Before attempting to explain, he realised they also didn’t understand english, so it really didn’t matter. “Anyway, swans being belligerent bastards, I called her out of the water straight away. Those mean white fuckers chased her all the way to shore.”
He turned around, now grinning broadly. “But, once her feet hit the ground in the shallow water and she was able to stand, did those sons of bitches turn and swim away as fast as they could.” He paused, trying to remember his original point. He really was very hungry. “Oh yeah, so trying to stop her fighting everything that moved meant I didn’t have time to teach her a new name. Figured it would be confusing to her. Sassie she was, and so Sassie she stayed.”
There was a tightening in his chest as he thought of her missing him. “Took a lot of years and a lot of time for her to get where she is now. I know Alexa will take care of her, but still, it’s my job, and I need to get back to doing it. She won’t understand…” He choked up completely, taking a moment to compose himself before clearing his throat and returning his monologue to its original course. “Anyway, names. Names matter.”
“Maybe you’re a girl monster. Charlotte?” He shook his head. That name just didn’t seem fitting. “We could call you Peter Parker? Although, you’re more of a man-sized spider than a spiderman... Parker Peter? Then again, big, scary spiders say one thing to me. Australia. You like to jump, we could call you Roo? Or, how about Ozzy? Or Bruce? Hmm, that’s a sharks name though… can you swim?”
His train of thought derailed suddenly as he saw an open door ahead of them through which the vines were receding. The pair of them continued walking behind the vine until it disappeared into the doorway and Aaron ran forward, pulling something from his pocket. He’d been saving the foil wrapping from the ration bricks, folding them together to form a wedge. He jammed his makeshift door stop under the bottom corner of the door as it began to slide shut. It ground to a halt. “Boom! Told you it would work.”
He stood and finally looked into the vastness beyond. Through the doors was, somehow, a rolling meadow, complete with trees, giant mushrooms and plants he had no name for. Vines were also everywhere, receding further across the great wilderness. “What the hell? I thought I was on a spaceship? Am I underground?”
Staring intently at the sky, he stepped onto the deep moss beyond the door. He looked at the wall around the interior and saw it was rock, and more plant life clung to every crack and crevice. As he walked slowly forward his eyes followed the vine as it headed for a large, colourful, monolith. He approached and saw that its shape was similar to the vase flowers. He watched as the corpse vines deposited their cargo on top of the monolith. Not on, he corrected himself;they were dropping inside.
He looked back to the door, nervous that it might close and lock him in. A large black shadow lurked just beyond the door, and he was torn. Should he explore this 'outside' world, or retreat to the place where he at least had the rejuvenation pods? He looked up at the sky, basking in the warm and invigorating embrace of the sunlight. He blinked at the brightness, being cautious to not look at the sun directly, and something else suddenly caught his eye. It was, incredibly, a door. A door that floated in the sky.
The thing about human eyes is that they might be easily fooled, but a shift in perspective can easily change what you see to something entirely different. Aaron was looking up at a ceiling, like the one in the Atrium back on the Azrimad, but a hundred times more convincing.
Once back inside the doorway he watched the spiderling he was beginning to think of it as a friend dancing back and forth a short distance away. It seemed… happy. “Ok buddy, I’m back.” Aaron’s stomach made a loud gurgling sound and he rubbed it, trying to squeeze the hunger away. Fingers found muscle easier than usual, and he knew he was definitely losing weight. “We should head back. I need sleep.” He thought for a moment and made a final decision, bending down to pull the foil wedge clear. “I doubt there’s a communicator or command deck in there. Let’s go home, Ozzy.”
The trip back was uneventful, Aaron sang his direction song as they navigated the labyrinth. A few more aphids were snacked on by his leggy companion, but his own legs were heavy by the time he was almost back to the jelly beans. Despite being exhausted he had made two stops to create another pair of flower vases for the aphids, as well as scattering a ration brick as he passed by. The aphids waited, as they always did, till he and Ozzy were far enough away before enjoying his bounty. Still, the human derived satisfaction from their presence.
Exhausted and weary, Aaron was glad to finally make it back to the room he was reluctantly calling his temporary home. As the door to the rejuvenation pod slid open he was met, forcefully, by the barrel of an energy rifle. Unfortunately for Aaron, due to a considerable height difference, the barrel had struck him squarely in the groin, and he instantly fell to his knees. He came face to face with his attacker with tears in his eyes, clutching his tenderness and coughing. From the other being came incomprehensible yelling, as well as a lot of gun waving. Also, there was coughing.
Aaron, eventually mustering enough self-presence to do something other than deal with the after effects of the gun-to-groin encounter, wiped the moisture from his eyes and tried to butt in to the one-sided conversation. "Relax! I'm the one who just got snookered in the fucking balls, here! Why in the world are you so mad?"”
The gun was pressed to his forehead by the tiny attacker, who shouted something unintelligible with their black eyes focused on him. They paused to cough, then stepped back, glaring at Aaron until they seemed to feel comfortable enough with the situation to take one hand off of their weapon and pull out a datapad. They held it up, and Aaron frowned at the familiar but still unintelligible colours that swirled on the screen. Then a small vent at the bottom of the device squirted out a puff of sickly sweet scent.
Aaron pulled back from the odour. "What the fuck was that?"
With some distance between them, the human finally got a good look at his opponent. They were barely waist-height, furry, with a long nose and dark banding across their brown fur. The banding was heaviest across their eyes and although that’s where the similarities ended, it was enough for the human’s brain to forge a connection. “Listen, Rocket, there’s a virus on this ship. You need to get in the jelly bean. Trust me.”
The rifle was thrust at him shakily in one hand, the tablet again was raised and a swirl of colours and shapes greeted him. “I don’t speak fucking winamp plugin!” On the wall behind his captor Aaron spotted a dull orange aphid, struggling to climb the wall. He smiled as he slowly leaned to one side. “Have you met Ozzy?”
The huge arachnid leapt over them both, causing the newcomer to blindfire at the wall. Aaron seized his chance and snatched away the weapon. He grabbed the newcomer by the front of their armoured uniform and slammed them to the ground. They cried out in pain and began their incomprehensible yelling once more. The accompanying coughing fit was bad, and Aaron dragged them to their feet. Realising that his solitude had caused him to revert to English, he switched back to galactic standard to offer a warning about the disease. “You’re going to die!”
A shocked look crossed their face as the human effortlessly lifted them and slam dunked them into a blue jelly bean. Ozzy gurgled happily through his aphid crunching. Aaron snatched up the energy rifle, but found it was difficult to hold due to its small size. He leaned over the jelly bean, noting the occupant drifting off to sleep.
Hunger and tiredness were forgotten as adrenaline flooded his system. There was no way the newcomer was alone. He left the pod room to begin searching, and Ozzy seemed to pick up on his intention and followed behind, keeping close to the human. “Good boy!” He had no idea what prompted it, likely some automated response, and it was as though he watched his movements from outside of his body as he reached back and gently scratched the arachnid's head. He was rewarded with happy gurgles, or at least that's what he hoped the noises were. “You did good back there.”
He made his way along the corridor towards the same airlock he had once chosen as his final exit. His recent suspicion proved correct as he heard a strange sound up ahead, as if someone was running a wet finger around the rim of a glass. He carefully leaned around the curve and saw another figure, dressed in the same uniform as the first. No fur on this one, although they were equally small in size, and they somehow looked like they were made of glass which couldn’t decide on a colour.
This time he remembered to use galactic standard. “Keep your hands where we can see you. We’ve got you surrounded!” The figure was clearly startled, as the ambient resonating noise began varying wildly in pitch at the same moment as their colour shifted to a solid blue. Aaron cursed. He didn’t have a translator, having instead opted for learning standard and winging everything else. The whole federation knew standard, so he hadn’t truly considered getting the implant. “Something is wrong with our translators,” he continued to bluff. “Do you speak galactic standard?”
A datapad was hastily pulled from a pocket, and as buttons were pressed the resonating sound became more rhythmic. From the datapad sprung noises. No, it was a voice! “Why do you speak Procyon? Where is Commander Bertolannixostraphes?
Aaron began relaxing at the situation he found himself in, but inside he was brimming with joy. Finally, he could talk with someone! “There is a virus on this ship, and many are dead. If your commander is the raccoon-looking guy, I got them into a healing pod. They’re going to be fine.” Under his breath he added, “probably.”
The resonating began and shortly afterwards the voice translated, “Who are you? Why did you not answer our communications.”
Opting for honesty in the hopes of leniency, Aaron stepped into view. “I’m a passenger. I don’t have access to the ship's systems.” The newcomer was looking at the tiny gun, so the human tossed it forward. “I didn’t know if you were friendly. I can take you to your friend, and you should probably get treatment as well.”
The now-orange alien walked forward, their movement accompanied by the strange sound of ceramic plates rubbing together. “That won’t be a problem, we Tricinic do not catch meat diseases. I am Tsy'lo, take me to the commander.” They turned to look behind them. “Where are the others?”
Aaron pointed to Ozzy. “It’s just us two.”
Colours swirled and the small glass person thrummed. The datapad spoke, “You are the last human, the Ambassador. Correct?”
Turning and gesturing to be followed, he began to lead the way to the rejuvenation room. “I am the first human, Ambassador Aaron Cooper, professional bounty hunter. Just call me Aaron. Are you the rescue party? Is Alexa here? Did she bring Sassie?”
It took a moment for the translation to come back. “I don’t know those names. We are the Special Tactics and Rescue Squad and we responded to distress calls and found this ship. Adrift.” They had walked a little way when Tsy'lo stopped and regarded Ozzy, who was still faithfully following behind. “Why does the achalo follow you?”
“Ozzy?” Aaron shrugged. “I think he was lonely. So, were you sent into Hive space to find me, or are you on some top secret mission? You aren’t with the Sentinels, are you?”
“Lonely? But it is an achalo.” Tsy'lo was confused and their colour visibly swirled. “Why would a rescue mission be secret? And, we weren’t sent, we were already here.”
Now it was the human who was confused. “Like spies behind enemy lines? Is that why you are in Hive space?”
The Tricinic hummed at a higher frequency. “It is our space. We are the Hive!”
 
 
Admiral Pelar of the third fleet stood in the centre of the training mat. On the floor around her were four tough looking Ashi, while a fifth was now squaring off against her. She blocked the jab and the surprise knee strike that followed, turning effortlessly to bring her elbow to her opponents ribs. With another deft turn she was behind him and kicking his knees forward. He tried to roll clear but she had anticipated the move and, as he rose, her spinning boot struck the side of his head.
“Nice try gentlemen.” She walked away and caught a towel thrown by the drill instructor. “That last one has potential,” she said, and the drill instructor nodded. “Next time, I expect at least one of them to land a hit. If not, I’ll have you in the ring instead, to make sure you still have what it takes.” She saw the fear in his eyes. “I accept nothing but the best from the Third Fleet.”
The medics ran onto the mat as she dabbed at her forehead, and she spotted Jar’Bek sitting on a bench nearby. She walked over to him and he stood, straightening what was no doubt an extremely expensive suit. “From one disappointment to another.”
The lawyer smiled. “Imagine only seeing your son when he is paid to be in your presence,” he countered.
She smirked. “Your tongue is still your most deadly weapon.”
He nodded. “Ah, but it must make you proud to see me make use of the things you taught me.”
Her face twitched. “I taught you to be a true Ashi, a soldier. I taught you to respect-”
Jar’Bek held up his hand. “I’m here on my client’s business, not yours. And, as I am paid a considerable sum per gal, let us not waste their money on matters that are concluded.” He enjoyed the irritation on her face. “I am here to finalise the amnesty treaties, and conclude your membership as citizens of Earth.”
The Admiral held up her hands, looking down at her combat training clothing. “I must shower and change first. Please, wait for me in my private office.” She smiled politely.
“No.” His smile seemed to hover as if it was a mask that could slip at any time. “You may have disowned me, but I still remember your tricks. You knew the time of our meeting; you had me brought here so you could intimidate me with this display of aggression. Then you ask me to wait in your office amongst your memorabilia and trophies.” He watched the anger behind her eyes. “You really think these tired old tricks will work on me?”
She sneered. “At least you remember something.”
“Oh, I had the scars removed, but I kept the lessons.” He walked away. “My client's time is valuable and I have scheduled a meeting with the other fleet Admiral’s for later this cycle. Since we have no time for your games, let us go to the briefing room. My team is already set up. If you wish to shower, know that it is more of your negotiating time you are wasting, and I do so hate waste.” He collected his briefcase and walked out of the room.
Captain Loring hurried after Jar’Bek, catching him as he entered the elevator. “You sure you want to antagonise the Admiral like that?”
He leaned back against the wall of the elevator and relaxed, letting out a small sigh. “A little negotiating trick a Kittran taught me. Anyway, she is no longer my Admiral.”
Elora’Tan leaned back on the opposite wall. “She is your mother, Jar.”
“Ha.” Jar’Bek laughed. “She disowned me. This is the first contact we’ve had in I forget how many celes. Her first thought is to try and intimidate me with that display. She likes to beat on cadets, she likes to cause pain, and she wanted me to watch.”
Loring gave a weak smile. “It forges strong soldiers. We can’t afford weakness.”
The elevator stopped and Jar’Bek took a step closer to Elora’Tan. “You think it was weakness that made me leave?” He didn’t let her answer, turning and exiting into the hallway. His voice now resonated with authority as he growled, “In case you people have forgotten, the Ashi will operate under the same rules as the rest of the colony. My mother is not the law... I am the law.”
 
Next

So I hope this makes it to the top of Google one day and can help another human being kind of understand what the vibe and feeling living in terrace is like. I know for myself I looked online and you can find only so much. So I'm going to try and get into some detail of what the lifestyle is like out here. I myself have only lived here for two years and I know what it's like to start fresh here.
I'll start with work, there is plenty to go around. If you don't mind picking up what you have to to get by. There is tons of service jobs available tons of shops in the general idea as Kal tires and parts shops for the trades. If you have and carpentry experience like myself you will find a job with in your first 2 weeks. ( Happened to me). I'm sure the other trades have plenty of work also. the LNG just opened, well approved a while ago and if your into the camp lifestyle they look for workers in Al aspects you can work in the camp as a cook house cleaner other services ( good for a woman). If your a guy the posibilitys are endless. Start wage for labour is like 27 bucks, you'd also be looking at a 2 week on 2 week off roatation. The LNG is located in kitimaatt which is 45 mins away. If you don't want to stay in camp you can bus back and forth to terrace. Also if anybody's from forestry we have a mill to work at too.The town is a growing town and will be for a long time. Lots of work here. Lots of oprutunity.
The outdoors/ scenery Terrace is a beautiful and jaw dropping place to live. There's mountains and lakes everywhere. When I first moved here I got a mountain resort vibe it was super cool. Lots to do in both summer and winter. The temperature in the summer is very nice if you like warm but not 30° warm. Many lakes and great beaches are just a drive away. Some you can get to by town on foot so no vehicle needed. Anywhere down by the skeena river is great. I'm not much of a offroader but from what I can tell alot of people do that. Lots of trails lots of mountains to climb with you side by side. The amount of hiking here is ridiculous. Easy trails to expert also rock climbing is huge here too. Also with beginner to expert levels to suit everyone's need. We have some world class biking trails too, once again from beginner to expert. If you commute on bike there's not many hills in terrace or south side. Defined by our over pass for the trains. Even if you live out in the surrounding are known as thorn hill. You only have a couple big hills and that's all. We have world class fishing available here too for part of the summer. Depending what you want to catch. If your an ocean Fisher price Rupert ( BC's North Port) is only 2 hours away and the drive there is top 10 most beautiful drives in Canada. (AMAZING) we have a holiday in the summer called river boat days and it's basically a whole week of events from drag racing hit to pass they drop a bunch of ducks down the river and if you $20 duck wins you usually get a boat as a prize. Pay 5 bucks to shoot a gun. And after all that. bands play in the park and venders set up. Feeling like a festival. Winter things to do is obviously shames. Many mountains to sled. The winters here are mild rarely going under 12 we do and don't get much snow depending on the day. We have late falls here and early springs. We actually have 4 seasons. We have apple trees and the town is litters with cherry trees. Lots of mushroom picking if you like that. So much that people make a living by doing just that. 20-40k in a season I've heard. ( I'm a northern boy and a brought my parka down here I actually had to sell it because I didn't need it. Was a 600 dollar jacket) it does rain alot here so get ready for that. Last year it was hot and no rain all summer long and this year it was nice for 8 days. You must remember that this is a temperate rain Forrest. The leaves! Omg! You see all the colors the mountain is a spectrum of oranges and reds to browns. Not much beatle kill around here too so in the summer it's just green it's beautiful.
Life style and general mood One thing that is different from other places. Is the town shuts down fairly early. Most restaurants are closed by 8. Not all but most. Some that stay open late are pizza hut Mr Mike's bosten pizza an dominos. Those are the main ones. For fast food we have Mc Donald's a&w taco bell KFC subway DQ Tim Hortons. And that's it. Ever major banking institution we have. We have a pool 3 different gyms. 2 are 24 hr. We have a Walmart a whole sale saveon Safeway for groceries. Lots of liquor stores where you can build points on every order and use those points once you have enough funds. We have vape shops and like 5 weed shops now lol. Marks warehouse. A board shop and an outdoorsmen shop. 4 thrift shops. Many gas stations. Lots of drop in sport to do as well ice skating base ball basket ball tennis badminton hockey. We have a community center that's where artists come to play music like snack mad child Merk. And others. There's a farmer's market at the park every Sunday. Lots of Nick backs and fresh produce. We have like 5 food trucks there usually scattered through out town we have a nice two screen movie theater with a couple arcade games. Everyone is super friendly in terrace.. more so that I've seen from living in different places all over BC. The schools are close elementary middle and high school. They have an amazing trades school here at the college( if your looking for funding and you live here and plan on going to LNG they will find everything for your 1st and second year. Which is amazing) we also have other college classes. A bus that goes everywhere for 2 dollars. You can even get to Kitimat on the bus for only 2 bucks. The night life! What every 20 something is woundering! So we have lots of pubs and a couple bars 1 casino and one club if you will. The pubs all have great food none that I didn't like. The casino is your regular slots sometimes poker games are held. Video poker and video black jack the food there is great! The northern ( what you would call the party spot or club ) is great they usually have a live band on the weekends along with a dj. It's greasy but it fun I'm sure I don't have to say much else. It's got 2pool tables there also. The best thing about all these bars in terrace is they all have their own shuttle service FOR FREE they even pick you up at home and drive you to your destination making bar hoping extremely easy and there really is no need to drink and drive!
The bad and ugly.
There is a homeless problem lots of people wandering the streets. People passed out on the side walk. People pushing carts full of their belongings. Some street people are annoying. Mostly keep you themselves tho. Drugs are rapid here there is no shortage. If you don't get into that life it won't ever find you tho. You have to look for it. We don't have major business like Cosco or anything like that. Buying furniture here is through the roof. Buying a home that's okay starts at 400k the town is going to get worse as the LNG keeps going through. Not much of a fancy dinner date town. Town closes early. Very hard to get a family doctor.
Annnnnddd that's a ramble. I missed a bunch of things I'm sure.
If anybody is looking to move here please ask all the questions you can and want I'd be happy to answer

Part 1 is HERE, if you're curious.
This is the first half of my reimagining of Episode VIII. I wanted to fit it all in one post, but it got a little long.
I promise: I'll post the second half as soon as it's finished.
FAIR WARNING:
Full disclosure: I'm one of the Star Wars fans who liked The Last Jedi. In fact, I'd go so far as to call it my favorite movie in the Sequel Trilogy.
No, I don't think it was perfect. No, I don't think you're a bad person if you didn't like it. But as I said in my last post, I firmly believe that the single biggest problem with the Sequel Trilogy is that it felt more like an extended tribute to the Original Trilogy than a meaningful continuation of its story; I also happen to believe that The Last Jedi was the major exception to that rule.
Love it or hate it, it's hard to deny that The Last Jedi charted its own course, and it was anything but a safe slice of fanservice. It developed the central characters of the Original Trilogy in bold ways, it went out of its way to shake up the classic Star Wars formula, it explored an array of ambitious themes, and it actively avoided following the same plot structure as the Original Trilogy.
It's also easily the most visually unique entry in the Sequel Trilogy, with multiple striking set-pieces that look absolutely nothing like anything in the Original Trilogy. The desolate island planet of Ahch-To, the swanky resort/casino of Canto Bight, and the red deserts and crystal caverns of Crait were nothing if not original.
I'm not here to argue with people who disliked The Last Jedi; I think we're all pretty sick of arguing about that film by now. But I will tell you up-front: of my three reimaginings of the Sequel Trilogy, this one will be the least changed from the source material. Consider yourself forewarned.
The story so far:
Thirty years after the death of Emperor Palpatine, an uneasy peace reigns over the galaxy.
The New Republic, a democratic regime founded by the heroes of the victorious Rebel Alliance, rules over most of the galaxy from the capital world of Coruscant, its mighty space fleet patrolling the spaceways from the Core Worlds to the Outer Rim. But in the wake of the mysterious disappearance of the legendary Jedi Knight known as Luke Skywalker, the future of the galaxy appears uncertain.
Despite the New Republic's best intentions, most of the galaxy's wealth is concentrated in the hands of an elite group of traders and industrialists who profited from the rebuilding of the Core Worlds after the devastation of the Galactic Civil War. Since those dark days, divisions between rich and poor have left the vast majority of the galaxy's population living in squalor, leading to simmering tensions in even the most civilized worlds. On most habitable worlds, the New Republic keeps order with the aid of well-armed Planetary Security forces, who often use brutal methods to quell unrest and root out suspected radical groups.
Amid this world of tension, an underground society known only as "The Resistance" claims to champion the ideals of Luke Skywalker, who once stood as a beacon of hope against the forces of tyranny and injustice. Some view the Resistance as dangerous radicals, but others see them as idealistic crusaders keeping the values of the old Rebel Alliance alive.
Visually, this era of Star Wars is inspired less by pulp science-fiction of the '30s and '40s (Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon, John Carter of Mars, Lensmen, etc.) and more by cyberpunk fiction of the '80s and '90s (Neuromancer, Snow Crash, Blade Runner, Ghost in the Shell, etc.). The Resistance aren't an upstanding crew of gallant freedom fighters—they're a morally ambiguous band of tattooed street punks who can usually be found hanging out in seedy night clubs at the heart of densely populated cities. "Planetary Security" aren't styled after goose-stepping Nazi Stormtroopers or SS Officers, but after modern-day American SWAT teams or riot cops. Rey didn't grow up on a Tatooine-esque desert planet covered in scrapyards, she grew up in the shantytowns of a sprawling planet-sized city.
If you need a visual reference: think this, or this, or this.
Anyway...
In the Unknown Regions, the splintered remnants of the fallen Galactic Empire fight a long guerrilla war in the darkness of space, regularly launching surprise attacks on unprepared worlds in the Outer Rim as they spin plans to return the Empire to its former glory. Of the dozens of terrorist groups who continue to champion the Imperial cause, among the most merciless is "The First Order", an elusive band of fanatics led by the masked warrior Kylo Ren and his mysterious mentor known only as "The Oracle".
Not too long ago, Kylo Ren and his companions (known as "The Knights of Ren") embarked on a mission to the desolate backwater planet of Eravana, looking for an aging old hermit called Lor San Tekka. As it turned out, San Tekka was a former member of the Jedi Order who was among the last people ever to see Luke Skywalker alive—and he possessed valuable information that held the key to revealing his old friend's whereabouts.
In a brutal raid, Ren and his companions murdered San Tekka, took the encrypted map that he kept concealed in his necklace, and killed all witnesses in the nearby village that San Tekka guarded in his twilight years. But in the aftermath of the raid, one of Ren's loyal Stormtroopers—designated "FN-2187", but nicknamed "Finn"—suffered a crisis of conscience, and resolved to leave the First Order to defect to the New Republic. Believing that he could buy a new life with information on Luke Skywalker, he stole San Tekka's map and fled to the nearest inhabited world: a densely populated planet called Jakku covered by sprawling cities.
Much to his dismay, Finn soon learned that it wouldn't be so easy to outrun his past. Not long after he arrived on Jakku, he found himself fighting for his life when the local Planetary Security force recognized him as a member of an Imperial loyalist group and tried to kill him on the spot. Soon after that, he learned that many of the New Republic's power-brokers were perfectly content to let Luke Skywalker stay in exile, viewing him as a dangerous revolutionary who would provoke unrest among the common people.
While on the run from Planetary Security, Finn crossed paths with Rey, an orphaned young woman who was abandoned by her parents in the city's squalid shantytowns when she was just a girl. With the help of Rey and her trusty droid companion BB-8 (whom she built from spare parts), Finn sought out the local Resistance chapter in a seedy nightclub, knowing that they didn't share the New Republic's feelings on Luke Skywalker. Upon realizing that Lor San Tekka's map really did lead straight to Skywalker, the Resistance pledged their help in decoding the map, and offered to give Finn and Rey safe passage to their safehouse on the planet Takodana. After the Resistance made a call to a certain space pilot loyal to their cause, roguish Resistance agent Poe Dameron pledged to accompany Finn and Rey on their journey.
With both Kylo Ren and Planetary Security hot on their trail, Finn, Rey, and Poe made a mad dash to Jakku's local spaceport, determined to make their rendezvous with the Resistance's pilot. Much to their surprise, they discovered that the pilot was none other than Han Solo, who had gone underground and joined the Resistance along with his faithful co-pilot Chewbacca. During the journey to Takodana, Han revealed that Kylo Ren was actually his son Ben Solo, a former pupil of Luke Skywalker who turned against him and destroyed his academy. While Han didn't know Luke's whereabouts, he also revealed that Luke vanished shortly after Ben's betrayal—possibly because he felt responsible for it.
On Takodana, where the trio met Han's estranged wife Leia Organa—who had also gone underground and joined the Resistance—the Resistance set about decoding the map. Before they could, though, the Resistance's safehouse fell under an orbital strike from Kylo Ren, who had managed to track them to Takodana. Entering the safehouse with his Stormtroopers, Kylo took the encrypted map and captured Rey, then departed for his hidden fortress on the planet Ilum. Determined to reclaim the map and rescue Rey, Han took Finn, Poe, and Chewbacca to Ilum in the Falcon, secretly planning to confront his son and convince him to return to his family.
After being interrogated by the First Order for information on Luke Skywalker, Rey miraculously managed to escape from her cell in Kylo's fortress by taking advantage of her latent sensitivity to the Force. Later, as Han entered the fortress with his companions in tow, he called out to his son by name after recognizing him from a distance—but Finn and Poe were forced to watch helplessly as a visibly conflicted Kylo ignited his lightsaber and stabbed his father through the chest, killing him.
While making her way through the fortress in search of a way out, Rey accidentally stumbled upon Kylo's personal quarters, where he kept a shrine dedicated to his grandfather Anakin Skywalker, the man once known as "Darth Vader". Among the relics in the shrine was the distinctive black helmet that Anakin wore after his turn to the Dark Side, but also the lightsaber that he wielded as a Jedi—which was inherited by Luke Skywalker. Desperate for a weapon to defend herself, Rey took the lightsaber and instinctively ignited it when Kylo cornered her outside the fortress. In a fierce lightsaber duel, Rey surprisingly managed to hold her own against Kylo, and narrowly managed to escape with her life when Finn and Poe spotted her and picked her up in the Falcon.
Rey, Finn, and Poe returned to Takodana with the map in hand, and finally managed to decode it, revealing that Luke Skywalker was on the distant ocean-covered planet of Ahch-To. But Leia, who had sensed Rey's budding sensitivity to the Force, urged Rey to make the journey to Ahch-To without her companions, hoping that Luke could teach her the ways of the Jedi and help her master her new abilities. Heeding Leia's advice, Leia boarded the Falcon with Chewbacca and R2-D2 as her co-pilots, and set course for Ahch-To.
After a long flight over Ahch-To's endless seas, she landed on a strangely familiar island, which she seemed to remember from her dreams. On the island, a mysterious figure in a hooded robe stood before a lonely stone temple, seemingly waiting for her. When she held out Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber to the mysterious figure, he removed his hood—revealing the face of Luke Skywalker.
And now, our story continues...
STAR WARS: EPISODE VIII — THE LAST JEDI (Part 1)
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
(cue the fanfare)
At the center of the New Republic, legendary freedom fighter Leia Organa returns to the capital world of Coruscant. Accompanied by her two newest companions, Leia prepares to call the galaxy to arms as a new war looms on the horizon.
Meanwhile, Kylo Ren—the man once known as Ben Solo—gathers the forces of the sinister First Order for a desperate attack on the heart of the Republic, determined to strike back against the forces of the Resistance who once defied him.
In the dark days to come, only the last of the Jedi can restore hope to the galaxy in the face of tyranny. After ten years in exile, Luke Skywalker must confront his destiny...
After a long journey through space, a starship drops out of hyperspace in the orbit of a planet at the heart of the Galactic Core. At the bridge of the starship, Leia Organa looks down upon the surface of Coruscant—the world where her father once trained as a Jedi, and where her mother once represented her people as a member of the Galactic Senate. Nearby, Poe Dameron and Finn look down at the capital of the New Republic as their loyal companion BB-8 excitedly chirps and beeps.
Finn, who was born on a backwater planet on the Outer Rim, is visibly awestruck at the sight of the planet. Poe, a hard-bitten member of the Resistance with no love for the New Republic, looks down on it with disdain.
"This is it?" Finn asks.
"Yeah, this is it," Poe says cynically. "The bright center of the universe..."
Leia breathes deeply as her starship descends, preparing to dock at the spaceport.
"A long time ago, I swore I'd never come back to this cess-pit," she says. "I hate to break a promise. But if we're gonna bring down the First Order, we're gonna need help. Something's coming—and I've got a bad feeling about it."
In the darkened halls of his starship, Kylo Ren confers with his companions—the seven masked warriors known as "The Knights of Ren"—as he prepares for a meeting with his mentor "The Oracle". For the first time, we hear Kylo address the seven warriors by name, and it immediately becomes clear that Kylo (once called "Ben Solo") isn't the only one of them who cast aside his birth name. His companions (in no particular order) call themselves "Tarmin Ren", "Mokkar Ren", "Kadori Ren", "Shakar Ren", "Darro Ren", "Yandoss Ren", and "Vorjall Ren".
As soon as we learn this, it becomes instantly clear that the surname "Ren" holds some personal significance for Kylo and his seven companions, and that each of them chose to take it. But what does it mean?
"There are hard days coming," Kylo tells his companions. "The Force is strong with me, but I am no immortal. If I don't survive the battle to come, you must keep our crusade alive. Long ago, we swore an oath to each other. We swore that this war would only the beginning. Soon, we will embark on the final path toward ultimate power. But until then, you must stay on Ilum and await my return. Stay, train, and remember our oath."
As the Knights of Ren bid farewell to Kylo and board a shuttle bound for their fortress on the planet Ilum, Kylo steps into the personal chambers of the Oracle.
The Oracle's skin is deathly pale, his limbs are long and distorted, half of his face is covered in a horrific burn, and electrical wires extend under his skin like nerves. Upon seeing him in person, we see that he's strapped to a reclining chair and attached to a life-support machine, and is seemingly too frail and injured to stand. When he speaks, his voice warbles and reverberates with electronic sounds. A holographic monitor above his head displays his heartbeats and brainwaves, and seven armed warriors dressed in identical red armor—his Praetorian Guard—surround him at all times.
"My worthy disciple..." the Oracle breathes.
"It's coming, Oracle," Kylo says. "The day that you foresaw. The death of the New Republic draws near."
"And yet, my visions tell of something else," the Oracle says. "Skywalker lives. The seed of the Jedi Order lives. As long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy."
"It won't matter," Kylo says. "I'll burn down everything he built. If Skywalker would return, let him rule over dust and ash."
"You forget, boy... I know of what you seek. You and your companions. This war is only the beginning. And when the day comes to seek out the ultimate power, you will not find it without me."
"I've forgotten nothing, Oracle," Kylo says, bowing. "And I promise you this: when that day comes, the New Republic will not stand in our way."
On the planet Ahch-To, we rejoin Rey.
On a barren rock at the center of an endless ocean, she approaches Luke Skywalker and presents him with his father's lightsaber—the noble weapon entrusted to him by his mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi, which was seemingly lost forever on Cloud City.
Luke steps forward and accepts the lightsaber, clasping it in his metallic hand. For a moment, he seems overcome by memories of his past. But as soon as that moment passes, he nonchalantly tosses the weapon over his shoulder, then walks away without a word. Perplexed, Rey tries to follow him, even as she gradually realizes that the legendary "Sky-Walker" has been changed profoundly by his time in isolation.
A far cry from the dashing, handsome war hero worshipped by the Resistance, Luke's hair and beard have grown long, his face is wind-burned, and he dresses in weather-beaten robes. At the top of a hill, she sees a simple hut built of mossy stones, where Luke has apparently lived for 10 long years without a soul for company. As he trudges up to the top of the hill, walks into his hut, and slams the door in her face, he never once glances back at his old lightsaber.
Undaunted, Rey follows him into his hut, with Chewbacca following close behind. Luke does his best to blow them off, but Rey persists, following him around the rugged island as he goes about his daily chores. After telling Luke about her recent experiences, Rey insists that she won't leave until Luke trains her in the ways of the Force. Although Luke is devastated to learn of the death of his old friend Han Solo, he stubbornly refuses to train Rey. Having clearly become bitter and jaded in his old age, Luke insists that his training couldn't do Rey any good.
"Something inside me has always been there," Rey says. "And now it's awake. And I'm afraid. I don't know what it is, or what to do with it. And I need help!"
"You need a teacher. I can't teach you," Luke says. "I will never train another generation of Jedi. I came to this island to die. It's time for the Jedi to end."
Rey is utterly shocked to hear Luke so callously reject the Jedi, but she still can't bring herself to abandon her mission. When night falls, she goes to sleep outside Luke's hut, planning to ask him again in the morning.
Later that night, Luke creeps into the Millennium Falcon while Rey sleeps, and he finds himself overcome by his old memories as he walks through the familiar hallways of the spaceship that once took him on a fateful journey to the Death Star. While on his way out, he unexpectedly bumps into his trusty old droid R2-D2, who is ecstatic to see his master again after ten long years. Artoo pleads with Luke to leave his self-imposed exile and return to the Republic, but Luke still refuses—until Artoo tugs at his heartstrings by playing the holographic message from Princess Leia that once spurred him to leave Tatooine to fulfill his destiny. As Luke hears the familiar words "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi—you're my only hope!", he realizes that he can't deny who he truly is.
He promises Rey that he will begin training her at dawn, but tells her that he will only give her three lessons on the Force.
Back on his starship, Kylo Ren strides from the Oracle's chamber and walks into another room. The room is empty—but when he presses a button on the wall, the lights dim, and the room is filled with a massive hologram. Kylo suddenly finds himself at the center of a massive auditorium filled with shadowed figures, all of them dressed in the traditional colors of the old Galactic Empire. Some of them dress in blood-red armor, others in crisp black naval uniforms, others in white robes; in one corner of the auditorium, we see a group of men in grey chainmail with faces covered in black tattoos.
"Who summons us?" one man calls out in a mocking voice. "Another pretender to the Imperial throne?"
Kylo steps into the light.
"I am Kylo Ren—master of the Knights of Ren, and Supreme Commandant of the First Order!" he responds. "I am no pretender, and I have come to claim no throne. Only my destiny."
Cruel laughter fills the room.
"And what of you?" Kylo asks. "Make yourselves known."
One by one, the leaders of the various assembled groups step out of the shadows and announce themselves.
"The Commander of the Crimson Legion stands present!"
"The Admiral of the Black Fleet stands present!"
"The Sovereign of the Dark Chosen stands present!"
"The Lord of the True Sith stands present!"
In our last adventure, it was well-established that the First Order are just one of many terrorist organizations formed from the splintered remnants of the fallen Empire, and they've been fighting a protracted guerrilla war against the New Republic while hiding in the Unknown Regions. Now, for the first time, we get a real idea of just how many Imperial loyalists groups are really hiding out on the fringes of the Galaxy. And for the first time in a long while, the leaders of the most powerful groups have come together to discuss an alliance.
Some of them are partisan soldiers, others are Dark Side cultists, others command pirate space fleets, and some are adept warriors who practice the secret martial disciplines once wielded by Palpatine's elite Royal Guard. They all have their own private missions and agendas, but they all share a common dream: the eradication of the New Republic, and the rebirth of the Galactic Empire.
"The New Republic has spread like a cancer. It is a parasite, corrupting the heart of a galaxy that was once great," Kylo says. "On Coruscant, where the Imperial Palace once stood, the bureaucrats of the Senate rule over a kingdom of beggars and thieves, bowing to the whims of the weak and the cowardly! But I know the same sacred truth that Palpatine knew: the Galaxy belongs only to the strong!"
A murmur of approval echoes through the room—but one of Kylo's invited guests remains skeptical.
"And you mean to challenge them, do you? Shall the fleet of the New Republic bow to a half-grown boy?"
As an answer, Kylo pulls a familiar object from the folds of his cloak and holds it up to the light. His guests gasp in shock as they get a good look at it. It's Darth Vader's helmet!
"They will bow to the heir of Darth Vader!" he calls, his voice echoing through the chamber.
"Who are you, Ren?" the skeptical guest asks. "Who are you, truly?"
A sly smile crosses Kylo's lips.
"Once, my name was Ben Solo," he says. "My father was a lowborn smuggler. My mother, raised by the Queen of Alderaan, was the daughter of a Jedi Knight. His name was Anakin Skywalker—but you knew him by another name."
Kylo ignites his lightsaber as he holds Vader's helmet aloft.
"I fight in the name of my grandfather, who once led the Empire to victory. I remember those who came before me. And when the time comes, I ask only that you take what is yours."
After a long silence, someone finally speaks.
"What do you propose?" he asks.
Once again, Kylo smiles.
"Stay vigilant for word from Coruscant," he says.
On Coruscant, Leia disembarks from her starship with Finn, Poe, and BB-8 in tow, and she's promptly greeted by mobs of spectators—some of whom clearly adore her, and some of whom apparently despise her. Since she went underground and joined the Resistance years earlier, Leia hasn't been seen in public in a long time, much less on the capital planet of the New Republic.
A short distance away, Leia's destination looms above the crowds. It's the Galactic Senate Chamber—the building where Palpatine declared himself Emperor over half a century ago. She doesn't say a word, but the implication is clear: Leia has come to address the Senate on the threat of the First Order. Just like her mother, who once appeared before the Senate to call for aid on behalf of her people, Leia plans to call for aid against those who would keep Palpatine's dream alive.
Inside the Senate Chamber, a massive multi-species delegation of planetary representatives has gathered to hear Leia's testimony. Before she approaches the platform at the center of the chamber, she orders Poe and Finn to wait on the sidelines for her.
"It's been seven years since your last public appearance," one Senator says, as Leia takes the stand. "What urgent matter begs the attention of a princess?"
Derisive laughter echoes through the chamber, but Leia stays passive.
"I was a princess once," Leia says pensively. "I was a rebel. A diplomat. A smuggler's lover. It never really mattered to me. At heart, I've only ever been a soldier."
"Once, perhaps," the Senator fires back. "This is peacetime, Your Highness. Have you forgotten that?"
"I don't forget many things," Leia says. "Can you say the same?"
A murmur of unrest echoes through the chamber. The Senator, unamused, proceeds forward.
"Speak your piece, Your Highness," he says coldly. "You have the floor."
True to his word, Luke gives Rey her first lesson in the Force in the early morning hours, encouraging her to reach out with her feelings while meditating at the top of a mountain. As Rey feels herself mentally connecting with the life around her, Luke tells her that the Force pervades all things, and all things achieve balance through the Force. Life and Death, Light and Darkness, Birth and Decay, and all of the forces that shape the universe itself. Rey realizes that she feels that same Force within herself.
While the Force once gave the Jedi great power, Luke believes that the Jedi were undone by their arrogance when they convinced themselves that the Force belonged to them. As he tells Rey: even if the Jedi die out, the Force can never truly fade away—and the people of the Galaxy don't need the Jedi to teach them how to connect with the Force.
"And this is the lesson," Luke says. "The Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die the Light dies is vanity. Can you feel that?"
But Rey's lesson suddenly takes a dark turn when Rey senses something truly powerful and truly evil: a dark cavern beneath Luke's island temple, where the Dark Side of the Force gathers and festers. Something in the cavern calls out to her, promising to answer every question that she's asked herself since she was young. Despite Luke's warnings, Rey finds herself drawn to the darkness, forcing Luke to cut her lesson short.
Visibly disturbed, Luke realizes that Rey's connection to the Force might be stronger than he realized—and she might be more susceptible to the allure of the Dark Side than he feared.
"That place was trying to show me something," Rey says.
"It offered you something you needed," Luke says. "And you didn't even try to stop yourself! I've seen this raw strength only once before, in Ben Solo. It didn't scare me enough then. It does now."
As Luke strides away, Rey contemplates the unsteady ground beneath her feet, wondering what the cave was trying to show her.
"I think my report speaks for itself," Leia says, at the conclusion of a short speech before the Senate.
"Yes, quite..." the Senator says. "A terrorist base on Ilum? A fanatic with a lightsaber?"
"A fanatic with a lightsaber and an army," Leia corrects him. "Kylo Ren is more than a terrorist. He has ambition. He has charisma. And he has power. Power like I haven't felt in years. Not since..."
Leia's voice falters as she remembers her first encounter with her father as an adult. She doesn't finish her sentence, but her thoughts are clear: "Not since I stared Darth Vader in the face."
"By all means, Your Highness..." the Senator says, rolling his eyes. "Indulge us with your murmurings about ripples in the Force!"
Mocking laughter echoes through the chamber. It's immediately clear that few of the Senators take the Force seriously, dismissing it as an ignorant superstition.
For the first time since she arrived on Coruscant, Leia raises her voice. Anger flashes in her eyes as she silences the laughter with a single word.
"QUIET!" she yells. "Don't you ever forget: I fought on the frontlines with the Rebel Alliance! I gave everything I had to their cause, and I nearly died for it! I haven't forgotten what I fought against. Thirty years ago, I learned the true meaning of evil, and I stared it down and held my ground. The Dark Side isn't a fairy tale. Believe in it, or don't. It'll rip your heart out just the same."
Sufficiently goaded, the Senator rises to his feet.
"You would dare befoul this chamber with your superstitious clamor?" he fires back. "And shall we be lectured on evil by the daughter of Darth Vader?"
All around the chamber, Senators audibly gasp. Leia stares down her adversary from across the length of the room, and his lips curl into an arrogant sneer. He has mentioned her greatest shame—the one that she could never overcome.
"We haven't forgotten the past," the Senator says. "We remember what happened when the Jedi were allowed free reign. We remember what happened when the people of the Galaxy vainly put their faith in the Force. And we remember the Jedi who sat at the Emperor's right hand. Rest assured: the past will not repeat itself. If the Jedi would die, then let them die."
Leia's lips tremble as she struggles to speak.
"The Jedi aren't dead," she says. "There's one left. And he won't stay gone forever."
"Luke Skywalker..." the Senator says derisively. "You say that you've foreseen a dark future for this Republic. So tell us, Your Highness: when that future comes, will one old man be enough to save us?"
Leia takes a deep breath.
"For all our sakes, I hope so."
Kylo Ren's starship drops out of hyperspace, accompanied by dozens of First Order ships. As the fleet courses through the darkness of space, we see that they're flying in formation around a strange-looking starcraft that doesn't look quite like anything we've seen before. Its body is elongated, it's covered with transparent viewing windows, and glowing orbs endlessly spin around its midsection, pulsing and crackling with powerful energy.
At the bridge of his flagship, Kylo sits behind a control panel. In the viewing window, a planet comes into view.
It's Coruscant. Kylo Ren and the First Order have come to the capital of the New Republic.
"Remember the plan," Kylo says to his officers. "And ready the Star Hammer. We've only got one shot at this!"
In a pristine Planetary Security station at the heart of Coruscant—similar to the one we saw on Jakku—uniformed officers monitor a series of holographic computer banks, which display Coruscant's defense grid of armed orbital satellites. Suddenly, one by one, the computer monitors begin flashing bright red.
"Something's not right..." a Planetary Security officer says, suddenly worried. "We're losing contact with our orbital defense grid!"
As his starship enters Coruscant's orbit, Kylo keys a command into a computer panel.
Back in the Planetary Security station on the surface of the planet, a look of abject horror crosses one officer's face.
"No..." he breathes. "That's not possible!"
"What's going on?" his commander asks.
"It's our defense grid... We can't get a signal through, but our satellites are still moving on their own! They're turning—and they're aiming at the surface of the planet!"
In an instant, the commander realizes what's happening: someone has hacked Coruscant's defense grid, and they're attacking the planet with its own defenses!
The commander begins barking orders to his subordinants.
"Send a message to every security station on the planet: the capital is under attack!" he yells.
In the Senate Chamber, Leia and the Senator stare each other down. But before either of them can say another word, the building shakes, and the ground rumbles.
Outside, a massive barrage of laser-fire rains down from the sky as the hacked satellites fire at the surface of Coruscant. Within moments, the center of the city is in flames. Buildings buckle and collapse, and the screams and cries of dying civilians echo through the streets.
Inside the Senate Chamber, a Planetary Security squad rushes inside and orders the assembled Senators to evacuate. As the terrified politicians prepare to follow the Planetary Security officers to the nearest spaceport, one of the officers points to Leia.
"You! Come with us, Your Highness. We have orders to evacuate you separately!"
Leia gestures to Finn and Poe, who look around in terror and confusion as Coruscant collapses around them.
"I'm not leaving alone," Leia says. "They're coming with me!"
Together, Leia and her companions make a mad dash to the spaceport as chaos erupts all around them. In the skies above Coruscant, the First Order's warships come into view as they unleash a hellish artillery barrage on the buildings below.
After a long run to the spaceport, the Planetary Security officers direct Leia to her ride off of Coruscant. To her surprise, it's not a civilian transport—it's the Comet Chaser, a warship in the New Republic space fleet.
"You've been designated a critical asset by New Republic High Command!" the officer says. "You have intelligence on the First Order. That means we want you by our side."
They board the Comet Chaser. Evading enemy fire, the warship takes off into the sky to join the unfolding space battle.
But the worst is yet to come...
In Coruscant's orbit, Kylo's elongated spacecraft—the mighty Star Hammer—charges its central reactor, and the glowing orbs spinning around its midsection begin to speed up. On the bridge of his starship, Kylo lays his hands on his control panel and begins making a complex gesture with his hands. The spinning orbs around the Star Hammer's midsection begin to speed up—and somewhere in the distance, a massive object approaches Coruscant...
Back in the Planetary Security station on Coruscant's surface, one of the monitoring computers goes haywire. Heads turn as it begins beeping a shrill warning siren.
"Something's coming..." one of the officers says. "Gravity fluctuations are off the chart! Whatever it is, it's big!"
When he realizes what he's looking at, the commanding officer's mouth hangs open in shock.
"No..."
In the orbit of Coruscant, we zoom in on the Star Hammer as it shoots a burst of iridescent blue energy into the distance and hits Coruscant's moon. Finally, we realize what the Star Hammer is doing: it's an advanced superweapon that controls gravity, and it's caught Coruscant's moon in a powerful tractor beam. Now, as the First Order rains destruction down on the the New Republic's capital, it's preparing to hurl the moon at the surface of Coruscant, forcing the two celestial bodies into a massive collision that will wipe out all life on the planet.
As the moon moves inexorably toward the surface of Coruscant, hundreds of civilian transports take off, desperately attempting to flee to freedom.
On the surface of Coruscant, all Hell breaks loose as the moon comes into view, looming large over the seas of panicking civilians on the ground. Earthquakes tear through the surface of the planet, the ground splits open, and buildings collapse by the dozens.
The Republic space fleet can repel an enemy space fleet, but they can't fight the raw power of gravity. Somewhere in the distance, Republic starships attempt to fight their way through the First Order's battle lines to take a shot at the Star Hammer and stop the moon—but it's already too late.
As the Comet Chaser carries them into space, Finn and Poe can only watch in awe and horror as the moon slams into Coruscant, obliterating the New Republic's capital within moments.
Far away, on another starship, a man dressed in Imperial colors watches the destruction of Coruscant unfold on a holographic viewscreen. As we soon see, it's the same man who skeptically dismissed Kylo at his gathering.
Suddenly, Kylo's face appears in his viewscreen as he sends him a transmission from Coruscant. He leans in close, staring coldly.
"Do I have your attention now?" Kylo asks.
TL;DR: My version of The Last Jedi begins with Kylo Ren and the First Order forming a massive alliance of terrorist groups who continue to champion the cause of the Galactic Empire. While Rey trains with Luke on Ahch-To, Finn and Poe accompany Leia to the New Republic capital of Coruscant, where Leia attempts to warn the Galactic Senate of the threat of the First Order. Despite her best efforts, Leia's warnings are ignored by the Senate, who dismiss her visions of the rebirth of the Dark Side as superstitious prattle.
In the middle of Leia's speech before the Senate, the First Order launches a shocking attack on the capital, using an experimental weapon known as "The Star Hammer" (which controls gravity) to hurl Coruscant's moon at the surface of the planet, wiping out most life on Coruscant. Amid the chaos, Leia narrowly manages to escape in a New Republic warship with Finn and Poe—but the First Order's attack turns out to be the first step in a coordinated assault, signaling Imperial loyalists all across the Galaxy to emerge from the shadows and attack the Republic.
Additionally: the Knights of Ren have names, and it's established that they all use the surname "Ren"—hinting that the name holds some personal significance for them. And in a conversation between Kylo Ren and his mysterious mentor "The Oracle", it's hinted that Kylo's war with the New Republic is just the first step in a quest for ultimate power.

"I don't care how many of you come out of the woodwork. Red She-Hulk, Savage She-Hulk, Kid She-Hulk, Blue She-Hulk. I was here first. The original. The Sensational She-Hulk!"

Jennifer Walters is a hotshot lawyer from the city of Los Angeles. After being shot by mobsters, her cousin Bruce Banner (The Hulk) saved her life by giving her a last minute blood transfusion of his own irradiated blood. From that point on Jennifer Walters was able to transform into the Sensational She-Hulk; a recurring member of the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, and the Marvel Universe at large. Her transformation was, at first, linked to her rage and she would revert back to her old form when her rage calmed but she has since learned to changed into She-Hulk and back to Jennifer Walters.
Since She-Hulk has been around for a long time, this Respect Thread has been trimmed to some of She-Hulk's feature feats. For a more in-depth look at everything She-Hulk has to offer, please refer to the mini-Mega RT here

Strength

Striking

• Knocks chunks from a concrete support
  
• Clears a beach by causing a small tidal wave
  
• Punches through thick lava rock with Thor
  
• Pulls herself from underground by punching through concrete
  
• Brawls across town with Abominatrix
  
• Smashes apart a "diamond cocoon" that had formed around Weezi. While not natural diamond, the goop that formed the cocoon was a byproduct from magical diamonds found by The Moleman
  
• Destroys several Spragg meteors while in space. The Spragg meteors easily destroyed part of the Space Truck Stop
  
• Kicks Death
  
• Smashes a large chunk of stone thrown by Abomination
  
• Brawls with Rogue. Rogue's RT for scaling
  
• Takes down the entire Fantastic Force, except for Black Panther
  
• Smashes the ground out from under a SWAT team
  
• Punches Deadpool's head into the ground
  
• KOs The Champion. This was after she learned that training her body as Jennifer Walters exponentially boosts her strength as She-Hulk. Feats under these conditions with be marked as ^Exponential. The Champion's RT for scaling
  
• Wallops Aquaman.
  
• Knocks half of Iron Man's systems offline with a punch
  
• Downs Captain America with a punch despite it being blocked by his shield
  
• Completely overwhelms Vision. She finishes him by tearing him in half
  
• Uppercuts Doc Samson "into another zip code"
  
• Solos a Thanos clone
  
• Smashes down onto Red Hulk hard enough to break a large portion of Mount Rushmore
  
• Staggers Red Hulk
  
• Wallops Red She-Hulk
  
• Splits a conference table by tapping it with one finger
  
• Stops Blue Marvel's son when boosted by Photon's Gamma Radiation. For reference, Blue Marvel's son was the size of a mountain.
  
• Smashes a rooftop ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  
• Downs a Celestial with a strike. This was during the time She-Hulk and the other avengers were imbued with Celestial power, making them grow in size to that of a Celestial. All feats under these conditions will be marked ^Celestial.
  
• Causes a massive crater with a strike while underwater
  

Throwing

• Flings a forklift
  
• Skips a stone hard enough to destroy a buoy
  
• Throws a car into a large truck
  
• Throws a rock "with the velocity of a deadly missile"
  
• Flings a nuclear warhead from Nevada to Keaton's "Nebuchadnezzar" casino that was in Arizona
  
• Throws a gasoline tanker
  
• Casually pitches a bulldozer ^Exponential
  
• Fastball Specials Laura Kinney. She does this a lot, with plenty of other heroes like Hellcat, Hercules and, of course, Wolverine. She also her her own variant, the Fireball Special, where she throws Robbie Reyes and his Hellfire Charger.
  
• With an assist from Captain Marvel, flings The Countess
  
• Breaks free of Oliver's grip and flings him ^{Gray She-Hulk.} Oliver was strong enough to one hand cars.
  

General

• Causes a tidal wave by throwing her arms back while underwater
  
• Crumples a steel horse and tosses it
  
• Crushes a safe into a ball
  
• Tears free of Spider-Man's webbing
  
• Flexes free of Venom's grip
  
• Thunderclaps a pair of mutants
  
• With an assist from Hulk, thunderclaps a large fire out
  
• Tears apart a construction site ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  
• Puts a Celestial in a headlock ^Celestial
  

Grip

• Holds a crumbling bridge together. She manages to keep it together until everyone is safe
  
• Shakes up Venom ^Exponential
  
• Grapples a pair of Skrull Thrust-Cycles and swings them around. Wyatt Wingfoot stated he "had seen Skrull Thrust-Cycles used to tow battle-cruisers out of space docks" and that "Jen should have been torn to pieces" by them.
  
• Crumples a light pole
  

Leaping

• Picks Arabian Knight out of the air
  
• Jumps to the top of Stilt-Man
  
• Uses Reed as a springboard to leap after a space shuttle
  
• Cuts off Hawkeye's motorcycle
  
• Jumps from downtown to Riker's Island ^Exponential
  
• Bounds across Hudson Valley while fighting Titania
  

Lifting

• Lifts the massive Silver Serpent and cracks it like a whip. For reference, the Silver Serpent was considerably big
  
• Lifts a set of stands filled with people. She was able to shake the people sitting in the stands enough to empty their pockets, but not make them fall
  
• Lifts a meteor off of the Quinjet
  
• Lifts The Thing's maximum weight with one arm ^Exponential which is somewhere around 85 tons. Before this, her maximum was seventy five tons when straining
  
• Lifts and throws a tank
  

Pulling

• Rips a large tank in half
  
• Yanks a dump truck full of sand forward to neutralize The Torch and Toro
  
• Tears apart a Hulk bot
  

Pushing

• Pushes a surfboard fast enough Zapper says they "must be going sixty"
  
• Easily pushes free of Southpaw's grip. Southpaw's RT for scaling.
  
• Throws several arm wrestling matches against Hercules to spare his feelings ^Exponential. For reference, Hercules RT for scaling
  

Catching

• Catches a falling tanker truck before it hits the ground
  
• Catches a flying bus ^Exponential
  

Swinging

• Slams the Man Elephant by his trunk. She does this again when he reappears
  
• Slaps Captain Rectitude with a diving board hard enough to send him skipping across a pool
  
• Wallops Abominatrix with a light post
  
• Takes Green Goblin out of the air with a chunk of metal
  

Durability

Striking

• Punched through a window and off a balcony by the robotic imposter She-Hulk. The fake She-Hulk was able to punch through a wooden door and had a "grip like a hydraulic vice"
  
• Brawls with Man-Wolf
  
• Downed by a dropkick from Hellcat
  
• Takes shots from Abominatrix and Captain Rectitude. For reference, Captain Rectitude was able to lift cars with one arm and
  
• Punched through a wall by Abominatrix
  
• Has Miss America bounce off of her
  
• Sent flying by a giant robot punch
  
• Punched through a sign by Abominatrix
  
• Brawls with Savage She-Hulk
  
• Punched through a bus and several vehicles by Mahkizmo. Mahkizmo hits pretty hard
  
• Punched by Spider-Man
  
• Punched by the Silver Surfer
  
• Smashed into the ground by Strong Guy. For reference, Strong Guy's RT for scaling
  
• Scraps with Green Scar Hulk
  
• Punched by Grigori the Super Ape
  
• Booted by Ms. Marvel. She is then immediately up after being crushed by a car
  
• Takes a beating from an invisible Super Skrull
  
• Gibbed by the Red Hulk. She managed to fight him for a moment but was choked out
  
• Takes an uppercut from Hulk that sends her all the way to Yancy Street
  
• Punched through several walls by Titania
  
• After being hit by a stray War-Machine rocket and smashed into the ground by Thanos, is left in a coma. She eventually wakes up as the Gray She-Hulk
  
• Punched by the Celesital, Obliteron ^Celestial. Other Celestial's strikes were said to have "shattered every window for a thousand miles"
  
• Takes an uppercut from Namor
  
• Punched by Cosmic Ghost Rider. For reference, Cosmic Ghost Rider's RT for scaling
  

Blunt

• Up immediately after being tackled out a window by Ultima
  
• Hit by a car
  
• No sells a car clipping her
  
• Leaps in front of a bus and stops it with her body.
  
• Thrown through a tree by Man-Thing
  
• Takes a beating from The Grappler. The Grappler was a "master of leverage" and was able to flip a jeep with his staff
  
• Stops a car from running her over while injured.
  
• Thrown through a stone wall by Doc's War Machine
  
• Has a girder bent over her head
  
• Blocks Mjolnir using Cap's shield
  
• Takes no damage from a car crashing into her. She then proceeds to crumple the car and pitch it.
  
• No sells a high fall
  
• Smashed through the ground by Stilt-Man
  
• Shoulder checks a bus
  
• Tackled through a wall by Captain Rectitude
  
• Leaps out of her car and falls a considerable distance. She falls far enough she has time to get bored, before landing in a pool of water
  
• Slammed through a table by Venom. For reference, Venom's RT for scaling
  
• Hit with a bulldozer by Mahkizmo
  
• Takes a beating from Titania while weakened
  
• After being killed by The Rumbler when weakened from War Zone's toxins, is revived by Zapper
  
• Trades shots with Hulk as they fall down an elevator shaft ^{Savage Sensational}
  
• Knocked out of an elevator shaft by an Angry Hulk's strike
  
• Unaffected by The Hulk slamming the "H" from the Hollywood sign slammed down on her
  
• Survives a Helicarrier crash. Of note, She-Hulk was the first Marvel character to down the Helicarrier.
  
• Takes beating from Absorbing Man, Titania, Doc Ock, and the Wrecking Crew and is finally slammed into a rock by Doc Ock. The beating left her KO'd and barely alive
  
• Headbutted by Drax
  
• Punched in the gut by the Hulk copy, Behemoth
  
• No sells being tackled through a building by Iron Man ^{Gamma Empowered.} This was after she was exposed to Jack of Heart's Radiation, causing her to enter a stronger Savage form than she had ever had before.
  
• Takes a beating from The Champion
  
• Stops a speeding bus with her back
  
• Punched in the jaw by Southpaw while not transformed. ^Exponential
  
• Takes a massive punch from a buffed Titania ^Exponential. Titania had received an Infinity Stone from the Champion that massively empowered her
  
• Thrown through the ground and hit by a subway train ^Exponential
  
• Immediately recovers from being whipped to the ground by Super Skrull
  
• No sells being hit with a car by Doc Samson
  
• Stomped by Iron Man's Hulkbuster armor
  
• Has a gasoline tanker slammed down onto her
  
• Thrown by The Sentry. When she reappears, she states she was underhanded like a lawn dart into New Jersey
  
• Takes a beating from Lyra Lyra was strong enough to push a subway train up through the ground and instagib several SHIELD agents
  
• Punched by The Sentry
  
• Brawls with Doc Samson, Modok, and Red Hulk but is eventually KO'd and captured.
  
• Thrown from Brooklyn to the Palisades in New Jersey
  
• KO'd by Dazzler-Thor's hammer. This was while she was rampaging as a result of Nico Minoru's "Hulk Smash" spell.
  
• Unharmed by crashing to the ground
  
• Stops the Hellfire Charger
  

Energy

• Blasted by a large laser. She is later KO'd by the laser exploding
  
• Knocked back by Iron Man's Repulsor Ray. she immediately recovers and goes back on the attack by swinging on a light pole.
  
• Blasted in the back by Torque. Torque's blasts were strong enough to send She-Hulk flying. Before he overloaded under the strain of his own power, she withstood the full force of his energy and managed to avoid his explosion.
  
• Instantly KO'd by a repulsor blast
  
• KO'd by a massive blast of light from Dazzler. A normal blast, which had knocked out an entire crowd of people, had done absolutely nothing. She does manage to recover fairly quickly
  
• Blasted by Captain Rectitude. Rectitude's chest laser was able to smash stone.
  
• Blasted into the ground by War Zone. It hits her hard enough to carve the concrete as she slides back. In their second meeting, she takes a point blank shot from the same weapon
  
• Temporarily stunned by a "Neuro Stunner"
  
• Ignores SHIELD lasers
  
• No sells a Full Power blast from Iron Man's repulsors
  
• Blasted by Machine Man
  
• Zapped in the eye by The Wasp
  
• Blasted by Crimson Dynamo
  

Piercing

• Seemingly unharmed by a bullet. While it's not shown to hit her, the gunman says "I'm hitting her point blank, but she keeps coming"
  
• Has gunfire from a pair of mobsters bounce off of her
  
• Completely unbothered by gunfire
  
• Tanks several bullets and destroys the gun that fired them
  

Crushing

• Okay after being crushed by "countless tons of falling dirt and rock"
  
• Powers out of Man Elephant's Hydraulic Vice but is seemingly knocked out by the gas released from his trunk. It is later shown she was playing possum to bait him into release his grip
  
• Survives several falling rocks
  
• Smashed into the ground by Abominatrix
  
• Crushed by the grip of a giant beast. ^{Gray She-Hulk} The same beast was able to completely paste a man with a punch
  

Electricity

• Blasted by Zeus
  
• Zapped by Captain Marvel
  
• Blasted by The Mole Man's electrical staff. She takes another blast later but fares much better
  
• Blasted in the back by Killer Shrike. She takes several blasts during their fight, but doesn't leave her feet
  
• Unaffected by a blast from Electro. This happens a couple of times even to the point where she is charred and smoking but is completely fine afterwards.
  
• Has an electrical tower brought down onto her ^{Gamma Empowered}
  
• No sells an electric blast
  

Explosive

• Survives the explosion of the Baxter Building
  
• Remains standing after being hit with a grenade. She proceeds to then clash with, and dismantle, her opponents prototype Iron-Man armor.
  
• No sells a bowling alley exploding around her. She did the same thing in a bar explosion. ^{Gamma Empowered}
  
• Survives Jack of Hearts exploding. She was also knocked out by another explosion of his powers. ^{Gamma Empowered}
  

Gas

• KO'd by a vial of knockout gas. She was KO'd long enough to be moved to a stasis tank. However, she has a metabolism high enough that being frozen in cold-bonded silicone and drugged isn't enough to keep her asleep
  
• KO'd by Mysterio's knockout gas
  
• Knocked back by a burst of gas from War Zone. They went on to explain the gas' toxic properties were accelerated by She-Hulk's usage of her super strength.
  
• Infected by a biological weapon. The weapon was an extremely infectious flesh-eating bacteria
  
• Unaffected by Hawkeye's Tear Gas arrow ^{Gamma Empowered.}
  

Heat/Cold

• After being encased in concrete, passes out from the massive amount of heat The Human Torch surrounds her with. For reference, Human Torch's RT for scaling
  
• Burned by a Skrull ship taking off but manages to hang on
  
• Pushed back by Ghost Rider's hellfire
  
• Burned by Cosmic Ghost Rider's hellfire
  
• Unaffected by cold temperatures that incapacitated Thor
  

Magic

• Ignores Scarlet Witch's magic. ^{Gamma Empowered}
  
• Put to sleep by Nico Minoru
  

Mental Attacks

• Remains conscious and keeps attacking after taking a mental blast from Doc. Doc's mental blast was able to one shot Torque.
  
• Cures herself of a mental attack by slamming her head into the ground
  
• Overcomes The Green Goblin's mental attack
  

Miscellaneous

• Burned by Man-Thing
  
• Can survive in space but eventually passes out from lack of oxygen
  
• Frees herself from Grey Gargoyle's stone transformation with her heightened metabolism
  

Pain Tolerance

• Goes through a "gut-wrenching" pain when she transforms
  
• Brought to her knees by a blast from Kyr. She-Hulk described the pain as "like millions of needles piercing every nerve in her body"
  
• Despite being racked with pain, is able to dodge an attack from Earth-Lord and tackle Kyr
  
• Manages to keep fighting Absorbing Man while Titania punches her ear drum
  
• Has her "gamma power ripped away" by Mother Monster's "Hell Cradle"
  

Radiation

• Unharmed by a microwave blast. The same blast was shown as being able to knock chunks out of a large rock. In the same fight she charged through a "full power blast" to tear the armor off of her attacker
  
• Blasted by a "Gamma Tank"
  
• Survives inside the Shield Helicarrier's core. The atomic pile inside the core was powerful enough to vaporize everything within 100 miles if it detonated
  

Slashing

• Has a sword break against her skin
  
• Slashed by a gamma creature and has her gamma energy drained
  
• Smashes through a large, spinning fan
  
• Slashed in the guy by Wendigo. She is downed until she remembers she has a healing factor
  
• Slashed by Ursa Major's claws
  
• Unharmed by a large blade
  

Sound

• Caused pain by a sound from Man Elephant's suit
  
• Disabled by a series of attacks from The Seeker
  

Intelligence

General

• Graduated Summa Cum Laude
  
• Outdrinks Blizzard in order to avoid a fight
  
• Uses a Hex placed on her by Scarlet Witch that makes her invisible to people who want to harm her to steal the Infinity Gem from Titania
  

Lawyering

• Wins a court case that was rigged against her
  
• Faces bias due to her superhero-ing
  
• Defends Dark Art by pointing out the arresting officer performed an illegal search
  
• Lays a strong defense for villain Jonathan Powers but does lose the case.
  
• Backs down Superior Spider-Man with the threat of lawsuits
  
• Defeats Matt Murdock in the trial of Captain America
  
• Prevents Luke Cage from selling the Mighty Avengers name by writing safeguards into the contract
  

Quick Thinking

• Tricks The Seeker into crushing himself
  
• Causes a pair of robots to crash into each other
  
• Sees through Mysterio's tricks
  
• Wraps her fists in insulation to KO Electro
  
• Sets The Ranger and Boomerang against each other
  
• Sneaks out of a Shield prison by changing back to Jennifer Walters
  
• Convinces The Champion to remove his Infinity Gem due to it qualifying as a weapon under Skardon Law
  
• Uses Electro to defeat Tiger Shark. She similarly used Powderkeg to defeat Rhino
  
• Avoids destroying a passenger plane by transforming back into Jennifer Walters
  
• Tricks Abomination into lowering his guard by belittling him
  
• Leads several Red-Hulk soldiers to fight each other
  
• Uses a robots raygun to destroy its companion
  

Negotiations

• Calms Scorpion down until Spider-Man messes it up.
  
• Convinces Hercules to pay a super villain he injured
  
• Convinces several soldiers not to fire on her for their own safety
  
• Poses a time paradox to create an opening
  

Skill

Accuracy

• Makes a cage out of thrown bars
  
• Destroys rockets with a raygun
  

Acrobatics

• Uses a light to pole vault up onto a highway
  
• Recovers from an Iron Man blast and uses a light pole to redirect himself back into him
  
• Crosses the city on rooftops
  
• Juggles a priceless vase through traffic
  
• Rappels off the side of the Helicarrier
  
• While falling, teaches Lyra how to maximize her momentum to fall onto her target "like a missile"
  
• Falls off a building and rights herself to land on her feet. ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  

Climbing

• Scales a building fast enough to catch Iron Man

Dodging

• Avoids a charging Iron Man
  
• Dodges a blast from The Seeker
  
• Leaps over a signpost attack from Man Elephant
  
• Dodges Mjolnir
  
• Hops over a rocket
  
• Dodges shots from several Toad Men
  
• Dodges a strike from Blacklash which causes him to wrap up Whirlwind
  
• Dodges a Skrull laser
  
• Sidesteps Iron Man
  
• Ducks a blast from Psychoman
  
• Dodges a tailstrike from a giant beast ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  

Fighting Ability

• Defeats both the Gemini at once. The Gemini were fast enough to defeat several armed guards at once
  
• Keeps Thor busy in a one on one fight
  
• Dunks Captain Britain
  
• Pushes away a punch from a giant robot
  
• Redirects a diving kick from Abominatrix
  
• Trained by Gamora
  
• Clowns Abomination
  
• Parries a thrown car with a light pole
  
• Completely goons Iron Man
  
• Instructs Hellcat on how to take down stronger opponents
  

Speed

Movement

• Chases and leaps in front of a villain
  
• Outruns crumbling ground
  
• Keeps up with a pair of horses
  
• Wakes up, leaps out a window, and catches a run away tanker truck
  
• Moves and uproots a tree before Jariza finishes talking
  
• Runs through gunfire
  
• Gets down a set of stairs before Shocker
  
• Keeps up with Daredevil while traversing a city
  
• Leaps across several Latverian rooftops
  
• Keeps up with Captain America
  
• Runs and leaps out of a building before it explodes ^{Gray She-Hulk}
  

Reactions

• Blocks a microwave by uprooting a tree to use as a shield
  
• Jumps over a blast from Torque
  
• Trips the speedster Whizzer
  
• Blocks a blast from Blizzard using Beetle
  
• Catches Green Goblin's pumpkin bomb
  
• KOs a pair of soldiers when taken by surprise
  
• Blocks a blast from Mar-vell without looking
  
• Punches away a SHIELD armor's laser